General Discussion

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and …

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, …

You know when youve had one of those fucking days where everythings an issue im sick to the back teeth of whinging twats, thick as fuck rude couriers, not being able to find the boots i want in my size, running out of vimto and old people in sainsburys Im going on a shopping mission thank god for the forte being open til 8 hows ur day been

what the fuck is this about man, im at my uncles and he ran out of toothpaste so i had to use the kids and belive my mouth tasted better with morning breath. it feels like i brushed my teeth with golden syrup

Rewind @ The Canal Club (wolverhampton) 2.9.05 This is a new night starting this friday with all your favourite Funky, Breaks & Electro djs, it will be every week so hopefully see most of you there, the launch night line up includes......... Bass Spankerz (Ben Kaye) 2hr set Wez Marx Russell James FunkyC FunkyLee doors open 10-3am £5 0n the door

have fun in Egypt & dont foget to go to see the

Looks like im moving house this weekend ;oP I havent even seen the new house yet lol im gonna be packing like a mad thing tonight Exited cos means i get to decorate again, not sure what im doing yet though

This weekend sees Paul van Dyk returning to PaSSion in Coalville on his Politics Of Dancing 2 Album Tour. We managed to catch up with the man himself for a quick chat about the album, the forthcoming event and a few other random bits! Hi Paul. You seem to be one of the busiest Artists in the business right now! How’s it all going? Everything is good! With you doing such intensive touring currently, do you find much time to kick back and chillout? Any holidays on the horizon? I am looking forward to my holidays this October! You’re touring many countries now with The Politics of Dancing 2 Album tour. Which do feel has the most exciting dance scene be…

The Blonde Painter... This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a parka and a leather jacket at the same ti…

Happy Birthday Helen

You have an ebay item that needs paying

>The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a >surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was >to arrive, Mr Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should >be > >here soon." >Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer >rang > >the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. > >"Good morning madam. I've come to......" > >"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. > >"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of >babies." > >"That's what my husband and I had h…

What an absolute amazing weekend i had a top weekend, great 2 see everyone over the weekend Andy Newtz Tidytart katymin The Dawn russdj flange lilgingerkitten kookie tidysara boyraver kieron djbeans kitten FunkyC Nuthead tom berry kate bear keepinitmessy scream chris (tarts brother) and anybody else ive forgotten! My teeth are killing me from chewing calypso's @ crasher and id love 2 see all the random photos of the 80s tribute band playing on Costa Del Fun Fun roof, that was special see u all real soon

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked a guy how to get a date. The guy said, "It's simple. I just say that I'm a lawyer." So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said no, he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning. She said, "Oh! You're a lawyer?" He said, "Why, yes I am!" So they went to his place. When they were in bed making love, the guy started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny, he answered, "Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing someone!"

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits …

A group of people were in a shipwreck and were stranded on an island. The group consisted of 12 women and 1 man. After a few months, the women grew horny and it was decided that the man needed to take two women a day and they allowed him to have Sundays off. One day on a day off, he was just relaxing when he noticed a boat nearing. He felt hopeful that maybe they would be rescued, at last. The boat was almost to the island when the guy noticed it was a man in the boat. As he got out the first guy said "Oh my God buddy, am I ever glad to see YOU, To which the second guy responded "Well alright sweetie! It's been a long time for me too." The first man ex…

know any good cures for clearing up bruises?

I have my interview on Tuesday A) I'm going out Sunday/Monday It's my day off Not sure whether to cancel sunday or not ... thats if I've got a ticket

@ My House. Form an orderly queue you randy fuckers. Proceedings start at 8pm. Dont miss out. Bring a bottle.

Well hello everyone!!! Not been on for abit been rather busy, had alot of personal probs again, its seriously not my year this year! anyway i wont go into detail about that, how is everyon else doing? Im way behind on my mixes aswell but thats due 2 me not being at home much at the moment, i had a wicked weekend and a birhday, thanks 2 all for posting a happy birthday for me, last friday i played a trance set at the canal club in wolverhampton, saturday i went down to the studio with Ben Kaye, never really did much as my car broke down and was with the AA for 5 hours, then satuday night went 2 watch Ben play at an interview with WID&BEN, which was wicked, great …

Really was ace 2 see ya at the weekend, deffo missed ya hun, see ya soon

Hey you sexy people. I've got a few dvd's that I've been working on from past CTW meetups. Anyone who want one PM me ur address and I'll get them shipped out. Enjoy...

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Yeah, I understand you are Missy Minx's pimp. Book me in for next Friday at 8pm.

Hiya Reason why I've not sent you NE yet is because my CD-Drive is nackered and I need to fit a new one in which I will do when I've got 2 minutes. So just letting you know I aint forgot !

what have you got? what would you like to have realistically? what would you like to have if safety/size/money/conditions etc were no object?

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lollie, with a lollie in your mouth? also, where can i get one of these R0CK 0N

popcorn mud wrestling is what it's about

What you all doing in your new found non internet lives?