General Discussion

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough." I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,'Thyroid problem?' When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder. My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of t…

Were not a bad bunch to go out with are we? You coming out with us again then (if the answer to the above is the correct one)?

'King Cunt' Did I actually offend you yesterday by calling you fat ? Did you cry ?

Re : last text message.. Im glad !!

ok, i'm quietly pissed off now! easiest way to do this....... i know Jay hates anyone's music (he's an hole, but what's new....) but everyone please e-mail me A.S.A.P. whether they like my music or not!!! (the peeps who have received my cds.....) please use the ctw e-mail address

Rules when out clubbing with me 1: Do not give random man your phone to look after 2: Do not give random man your coat ticket to look after 3: Do not forget your tongue stays in your mouth not in random mans

Cheers for the new avatar...I'm currently looking for someone to take on my PR / promotions work...you could be the man for the job...if I wanted the world to think I'm a c**t!! Actually, I haven't seen the photo yet...not until this post goes up...just too lazy to look in my profile or search for a post...

Hiya mate - thanks for the CD. Me and mu mum had alisten to it last night before I went to bed. Have to say mate, it's a work of ART ! I absolutly LOVE and ADMIRE the way you blend the tracks in. It's top notch. Keep up the good work ! I want more CDs from yourself in the future...I have reservered a space in my CD drawer for your CDs that I hope to recieve in the near future. Well done mate

At the weekend i thought i'd buy a magazine, i decided on "B" a womens magazine aimed at women in there 20's. Like many of these magazines they have fashion pages. This issue has an article called "The great party challenge" The challenge is to find four different outfits for a reader who has four parties to go to over christmas. The first party is new years eve in a nightclub. The magazine tells her what to wear, not only that they "ask the expert". Guess who the "expert" is.....none other than Paul Kelly!!!! Pauls "fashion expert advise" is "Wear whatever makes you feel glamorous but comfortable.One hot tip: definitely no sunglasses-save them for festivals &a…

i want to know.

Dude I have met someone who is your double!! I thought it was you so went over and introduced myself and then chewed his ear off for about an hour!!

er ur great

I am after some nights to visit in London but must be hardcore / hard techno etc Bout time i came down to London again!

sorry to those of you who work in a supermarket... ... just wanted to express my opinion... DO U EVER SMILE!!! DO U EVEN KNOW WHAT A SMILE IS? SMILE FOR F***S SAKE!

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid89/pec7a5ce328c4c89eec3b4672cfad9008/fa7a81a4.jpg.orig.jpg

[censored] - i have to write an essay on roman slavery and manumission - never thought there'd be any links... anyone know what manumission actually means / is?!

Ok, Ive never seen/used a newsgroup before but Ive been given an address where I can d/l loads of UFC/MMA/NHB fights. I got told you cant access them thru IE so you have to access then thru MS Outlook, so I typed the addy in outlook and it said the page didnt exist! so what am I doin wrong?

thanx again for the lift to crash. your a massive star

I missed dream team sessions last night on radio one and wanted to copy it for a mate - is there anywhere this can be downloaded or has it gone forever?

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http://homepage.ntlworld.com/simon.wildgust/swf-feel_good.htm DONT OPEN AT WORK!!

when i finally get a nite on the net everyone takes cover and hides???? is there something im missing here???

describe ur music to a man of the cloth. Week or so ago i was @ my grandparents for their golden wedding anniversary and was chatting to my cousin who's a drum 'n' bass dj, got onto music as usual and played him one of my mixes that i had on minidisc. The father who remarried them or whatever its called was sitting near us and asked wot we were litening to. Can't remember wot we told him but my cousin jokingly said to me "devil music". So how wud u describe ur style of music to ur local vicar/father/priest/bishop.

Been mulling this one over...and i thought [censored] cunt-idol...what we need is clubtheworld dj idol. Being as the whole isssue of CTW DJ's have made for for the most consitantly intresting and controversial posts over the last few months........ Everyone could vote, but the real thrill would be opinions of the four judges. Dr James(tries to be nice to everyone)Fox Mydleton Tara (Nice but Firm but Fair) Nicki Token Woman person Chapman Jon Pete Morecroft Waterman (tell it how he see's it) Jay Simon (deadly honest to the point of rudeness) Cowell The program could be hosted by Kev (Making more money out of this than anyone except for Simon Callow) A…

following your new signature, i have to say something because you think we are all in suspense for your xmas CD. You cant mix you muppet, Sophie can mix better.

Pleeeeeeease stop sending me 'random' text messages.

who stayed in last nite just to let you all know that you missed a fuckin wicked night at SMILE!!! what a way to spend your saturday night ............ talkin bout what you got in ya pockets

Following on from Jons post in GoShows decks and mixer thread... cricket lighter (mini one) set of keys (to my house) a ripped sandwich bag a single bus ticket (used) £1.34 pocket lint 8th of purple haze wage slip 1 money bag and a couple of flyers.

Just come home for a few days to get some work done, but my parents computer doesnt have microsoft word on it... am i able to download it anywhere or anythin?