General Discussion

A man gets up one morning to find his wife already in the kitchen cooking. He looks to see what she's cooking and sees one of his socks in the frying pan "What are you doing?" he asks. "I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed very drunk," she replied. Completely puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself, "I don't remember asking her to cook my sock..."

u know that johnsons tanning mouisturizer stuff? well i been to 3 different booots and superdrugs and cant find it i know debden, epping and loughton boots are small but none of then had any johnsons stuff

well what can i say............. This had 2 be 1 of my favourite gigs i played at, alot of my friends all came including Tidytart, Katymin, Andy, Charlotte, Mark, Jane, Michael, Carl plus everyone i knew at welsh connection, it was a truly wicked night (gutted u werent there Bushy @ Dawn) I was really looking 4ward 2 this gig as soon as i got there, was proper hyped up, when i got there the promoter said 2 me that hed heard very good reports of me and said show them what u can do, everyone was standing there when he said this, it made me think 'fuck' lol, we were given the primetime slot 12-2am and the room was full as soon as we came on, the crowd was wicked and a…

just booked global tickets don't care if no ones going it will be wicked anyway but would be fab if it was like last year with everyone there is anyone else going off here?

gotta go pack n sort my shit out n watch the bb eviction dont miss me too much this week guys have fun mwah mwah

Just been checking the ibiza boice calender for next week now i was confused enough bearing ion mind so many things i wanna do but now theyve added more and im gonna be gutted cos im gonna miss loads but argh!! theres so many ppl i wanna see who are on on clashing nights its madness i tell you

ouch

Daddy, how was I born? DAD SAYS: Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said: You've Got Male !!!

erm looking through cih gallerys and found this sorry si but how blatantly was i cut out this pic the only one of me in camo so far and u cut me out anychance u have the original as i wanted to see me in camo here

do u fancy going to either big in cambridge on 6th august or mashtonbury in birmingham on end of august even though im undecided on mashtonbury or sw4 this year as i fancy sasha and may have freebie tickets off me mate for that

WHAT A COINCIDENCE! A man went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a female patron. He turned to her and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating." "What a coincidence," said the woman, "I'm celebrating too". She clinked glasses with him and said, "What are you celebrating?" "I'm a chicken farmer," he replied. "For months all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile." "What a coincidence," the woman said. "My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant. How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked. "I switched cocks." he replied. …

hello u lot hope ur all well? wot you up to at the weekend?

Hope this is the write place to post this. I am selling some Vinyl on Ebay. Have just moved house and need to clear this out. Some of the tracks are good, some not so good. But all play perfectly. Some record sleeves have slight wear and tear - if it is noticable i have mentioned it in the auction. I will be adding around 30/40 more today at some point. This is an ebay only auction. Happy Bidding ~Rich~ follow this link:

If the weather carries on like this all summer, we will look like we have addopted another nationalities skin or simple weatherd like Mc Dundee. Glorious weather tho!

Why is generaly thaught to be a womans job to cook in the kitchen but a mans job to even put burgers on the barbie ? bet this is generaly a male idea .

1, OPENING JARS - nnnnngg, she’s struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn’t. Jars are men’s work. 2, CALLING SOMEONE ‘SON’ - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man. 3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic. 4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don’t need a sharpener, you think I can’t whittle. 5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combin…

2 women on the way back from a night out stop for a wee in a graveyard, when theyve done their business one wipes herself with her underwear n the other one uses a wreath. The next night their husbands are chatting in the pub one says "im proper worried about my wife she came home with no knickers on last night" The other one replies " Thats nothing mine came home with a card stuck in her arse saying thanks and love from all the boys at the station"

Im doing a treasure hunt for tomorrows fun day at work below are a list of the places where im hiding prizes (its not a normal treasure hunt its like a question an hour and then whoever finds it gets it) So can you write me any cryptic type clues to get to the following places In the disabled toilet On the returns table The green key cupboard by the main door The filing cupboard In the bush by the smoking bin The small mini cupboard The recycling bin The Managing Directors office The 1st aid box

on me balcony poster time hehe laters u lot well bukey and kate

couple of months ago i was looking do do surveys online well now past few days 2 places have emailed me and i have joined who do surveys and it was free someone must have gave them my email as i didnt sign for anything but one is really cool as u go by points and have a catalogue and the more points u have the better things are u can get from there catalogue with the points like i need 40 for a ferry ticket alls good anyway

Might be a bit of a hassle in some ways but the pay is great ! Got a lovely pay packet this month which means going on holiday in July with NO worries about how much to spend makes it that much more enjoyable

What a legendary chap, one of Britain's greatest heroes. Gonna watch it for the next hour so toodle bye for now.

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions." The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the he…

To you What you got planned then Mr T

I’m going to be doing the Sahara Desert Challenge to raise money for the Red Cross in April 2006 which will involve me trekking over the worlds biggest desert, larger then the entire United States, a vast of sand and rock swept by raging winds and shifting dunes. The Sahara remains one of the last true areas of wilderness: the hottest, driest, most inhospitable places on earth. In order for me to do this I will have to raise a minimum sponsorship of £1,800 and I have from July 2004 to February 2006 to do raise it, so that’s 8 Months!! This is what i will be doing when i get there... _ The Sahara Desert Challenge 8 – 15th April 2006 Day 1- London…

GUYS DESCRIPTION OF HIS CLAIM CAUSE BEARING IN MIND HE'D DROPPED HIS MOBILE PHONE DOWN THE LOO HE WENT " I JUST UNDONE MY BELT AND IT SLIPPED OUT" HOW I DIDNT HOWL AT HIM IS BEYOND ME WHATS YOUR FUNNIEST THING SOMEONES SAID TO YOU IN ALL INNOCENCE

A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed. Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man. The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I boug…

thats why theres been no posts? no-one better have me on ignore

Whats your best and worst answer phone msgs youve heard The one above is my nightmare one - as if i didnt fcking know you were an answer phone i actually thopught it was the kettle answering My fave one was a guy and he just went "i cant answer the phone at the minute as im in hospital with an angry mole on my knob, please leave a message"

If god made the male who made the females ? must have been the council only they would put a play area next to a shit hole