How to shower like.....

How to shower like a woman…………

1. Take off clothing and place in laundry basket.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown, if seen by husband along the way, cover any exposed flesh and rush to bathroom.

3. Look at body in mirror and complain about getting fat.

4. Get in shower, look for facecloth, loincloth, sponge, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

5. Wash hair with Cucumber & Orange shampoo with 85 added vitamins.

6. Wash hair again with Cucumber & Orange shampoo with 85 added vitamins.

7. Condition hair with Cucumber & Orange conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil, leave for 15 minutes.

8. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub until red raw.

9. Wash entire body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair for at least ten minutes.

11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini line but change mind.

12. Scream loudly when husband turns cold-water tap on, causing loss of pressure & turning water red hot.

13. Turn off shower, squeegee all wet surfaces of the shower area and spray mould spots with Tilex.

14. Get out of shower, dry with a towel the size of a small country.

15. Wrap hair in second towel.

16. Check entire body for remotest sign of spots, attack with tweezers if found.

17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and head towel. If seen by husband cover any exposed flesh and rush into bedroom to spend half an hour getting dressed.

How to shower like a man…………

1. Take off clothes and leave in a pile on the bedroom floor.

2. Walk to bathroom naked, if seen by wife along the way, shake knob at her and shout "Whey hey".

3. Look in mirror and suck gut in to see manly physique.

4. Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers.

5. Get in shower and find soap.

6. Wash face and armpits.

7. Laugh at how loud a fart sounds in the shower.

8. Wash knob and surrounding area, leaving hairs on the soap.

9. Shampoo hair, make into a mohican and laugh at self in mirror.

10. Have a piss in shower.

11. Rinse hair and body for two minutes.

12. Get out of shower & partially dry off with a small towel.

13. Leave shower curtain dripping onto floor, leave wet towel on floor.

14. Return to bedroom naked, if seen by wife, grab knob & shout "Yeah baby!" and thrust pelvis at her.

15. Put same clothes back on.