Mans Official Bible :

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>> > 1. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a

>>> friend" have carnal drunken monkey s*x, the fact that you're

>>>feeling

>>> weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the

>>>discussion about what a big mistake it was.

>>>

>>>

>>> > 2. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally

>>> killed and buried by his fellow partygoers.

>>>

>>> > 3. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

>>>

>>> > 4. It is ok for a man to cry under the following

>>> circumstances:

>>> > a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master

>>> > b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse

>>> > c. After wrecking your boss' car.

>>> > d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

>>> > e. When your Date is using her teeth

>>>

>>> > 5. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a

>>> friend out of jail within 12 hours.

>>>

>>> > 6. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister

>>> is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

>>>

>>>

>>> > 7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's

>>>running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time: 6 minutes. For a girl,

>>>you

>>>have to wait 10 minutes for every point of

>>> hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

>>>

>>> > 8. Whingeing about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge

>>> is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

>>>

>>> > 9. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present

>>> for another man (in fact, even remembering your mate's birthday

>>>is

>>> strictly optional).

>>>

>>> > 10. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit

>>> stops, not the weakest.

>>>

>>> > 11. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event,

>>> you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may

>>> never ask who's playing.

>>>

>>> > 12. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have

>>> brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for

>>>the

>>> purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your

>>>girlfriend.

>>>

>>> > 13. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when

>>> you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a

>>> topless supermodel... and it's free.

>>>

>>> > 14. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

>>>

>>> > 15. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem---you

>>> didn't see nothin'.

>>>

>>> > 16. Women who claim to "love watching sports" must be treated

>>> as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the

>>>ability to

>>> drink as much beer as the other sports spectators.

>>>

>>> > 17. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the

>>> death of a girlfriend's dog, even if it was you who secretly set

>>>it

>>> on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

>>>

>>> > 18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman

>>> must remain sober enough to put up a fight.

>>>

>>> > 19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last

>>> slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

>>>

>>> > 20. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be

>>> talking about his choice of beer.

>>>

>>> > 21. Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a mate of

>>> yours, except if she's withholding s*x pending your response.

>>>

>>>

>>> > 22. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while

>>> lifting weights:

>>> > a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!

>>> > b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

>>> > c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

>>> > d. Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?

>>>

>>>

>>> > 23. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal

>>> footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other

>>> situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation

>>>you

>>>need.

>>>

>>>

>>> > 24. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer

>>> than you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the

>>>phone;

>>> Hang up if necessary.

 

Thought i'd bring this back to the top as i think its utter class! and so many of you probably missed it while in planet comedown!