Save the Whales.  Collect the whole set.

 

A day without sunshine is like night.

 

I couldn't repair your brakes so I made your horn louder.

 

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

 

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

 

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

 

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

 

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

 

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

 

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

 

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

 

Support bacteria.  They're the only culture some people have

 

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.

 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

 

Get a new car for your spouse.  It'll be a great trade.

 

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

 

Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

 

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

 

How many of you believe in telekinesis?  Raise my hand.

 

I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

 

What's the speed of dark?

 

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

 

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane

 

Hard [censored] pays off in the future.  Laziness pays off now.

 

Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don't have film.

 

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

 

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

 

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive?

 

What happens if you get scared half to death twice.

 

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

 

Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

 

ile have 2 remember some of those!