THIS IS FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE BASHING JOKES

 

1. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened

by

the time she brings it.

 

2. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a

woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be

able to

 

support you.

 

3. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those

"evolutionary

things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

 

4. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When

she

starts her sentence with "A man once told me. . ."

 

5. How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There's a clock on the

oven.

 

6. Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long

enough

to build up the required pressure.

 

7. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at

the

front door, whom do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up

once

 

you let him in.

 

8. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what

she's

 

told.

 

9. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

 

10. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months, I don't like to interrupt

 

her.

 

11. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?

Divorced.

 

12. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex

drive by

 

90%. It is called Wedding Cake.

 

13. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring,

Suffering.

 

14. Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"

said,

"Dust!"

 

15. Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

 

16. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a

man

doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every

 

country, son."

 

17. A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds: "Wife Wanted."

The

next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:

"You

can have mine."

 

18. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget

it

once.

 

19. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street

 

with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they're beautiful.

 

20. Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't? Bachelors go

to

the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go

to

the bed, see nothing they want, and go to their refrigerator.

 

 

 

What have you done wrong if you're wife comes out of the kitchen to yell at you?

Left her chain to the sink too long