I've travelled this whole world of ours from Barnsley to Peru,

I've had sunstroke in the Arctic and a swim in Timbuktu,

I've seen unicorns in Burma and a Yeti in Nepal,

And I've danced with ten-foot pygmies in a Montezuma hall,

I've met the King of China,

And the working Yorkshire miner,

But I've never met a nice South African.

 

No, he's never met a nice South African,

And that's not bloody surprising, man,

'Cos we're a bunch of arrogant bastards,

Who hate black people.

 

I once got served in Woolies after less than four weeks' wait,

I had lunch with Rowan Atkinson when he paid and wasn't late,

I know a public swimming bath where they don't piss in the pool,

I know a guy who got a job straight after leaving school,

I've met a normal merman,

And a fairly modest German,

But I've never met a nice South African.

 

No, he's never met a nice South African,

And that's not bloody surprising, man,

'Cos we're a bunch of talentless murderers,

Who smell like baboons.

 

I've had a close encounter of the twenty-second kind,

That's when an alien spaceship disappears up your behind,

I've got Directory Enquiries after less than forty rings,

I've even heard a decent song by Paul McCartney's Wings,

I've seen a flying pig

In a quite convincing wig,

But I've never met a nice South African.

 

No, he's never met a nice South African,

And that's not bloody surprising, man,

'Cos we're a bunch of ignorant loudmouths,

With no sense of humour (hah-hah-hah).

 

I've met the Loch Ness Monster and he looks like Fred Astaire,

At the BBC in London he's the chief commissionaire,

I know a place in Glasgow which is bright with daffodillies,

I met a man in Katmandu who claimed to have two willies,

I've had a nice Pot Noodle,

But I've never had a poodle,

And I've never met a nice South African.

 

No, he's never met a nice South African,

And that's not bloody surprising, man,

Because we've never met one either,

Except for Bruiten Bruiten-Bach,

And he's emigrated to Paris.

 

Yes, he's quite a nice South African,

And he's hardly ever killed anyone,

And he's not smelly at all,

That's why they put him in prison.

 

Hold a chicken in the air.....

I had that on vinyl once

haha

I used to have it too, no idea where it is now.

 

I'd love to play it in a set.

bet that would go down a treat in London, if you played it

QUOTE (Lisa @ Jun 7 2004, 11:42)

bet that would go down a treat in London, if you played it

There would be rioting antipodeans all over the shop and I could sit bag smug in the knowledge that nothing's changed in 15 years.

I've met two nice South Africans, twins actually. Very nice S.Africans, couldn't do enough for me.

and some of my family are white south africans, and in fact australians too....oh how nice it would be to go and visit them