Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?

Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

 

Why do men like smart women?

Opposites attract.

 

How do men define a "50/50" relationship?

We cook - they eat. We clean - they dirty. We iron - they wrinkle.

 

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?

All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

 

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

ONE, He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

 

What did God say after creating man?

I can do so much better.

 

What do you call a man with half a brain?

Gifted.

 

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?

Exchange him.

 

What should you give a man who has everything?

A woman to show him how to work it.

 

What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?

Telling you his real name.

 

What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?

Put the remote control between his toes.

 

What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?

Big Foot's been spotted several times.

 

What's the smartest thing a man can say?

"My wife says..."

 

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?

So men can understand them.

 

Why did God create man before woman?

Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.

 

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?

To stop the snoring before it starts.

 

Why do jocks play on artificial turf?

To keep them from grazing.

 

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?

Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

 

 

 

 

 

Women - the amount they moan about men they should all be dykes but theyre not!! and whys that? cos they love cock simple as! and couldnt live without it!!

jon_m said:

Women - the amount they moan about men they should all be dykes but theyre not!! and whys that? cos they love cock simple as! and couldnt live without it!!

Spot on mate. ladies you need us, and we know this...Thats why we have a free rein to treat you like [censored]! Now get back in the kitchen.

Not bad I spose.

nice one

jon_m said:

Women - the amount they moan about men they should all be dykes but theyre not!! and whys that? cos they love cock simple as! and couldnt live without it!!

 

Hide your eyes mum!

 

There are rude words in this comment.

 

Is it just me Maria or are your Mum and Kev long lost brothers? That would make him your Uncle Creamy.

My mum has no penis.

 

And usddenly I wish I never said that, being that this is the jokes forum :$