I went to a deli yesterday morning, and asked for a mushroom omlette. The wierd guy behing the counter leant over and whispered, "I'll tell you what... I'll make you a MAGIC mushroom omlette!" I ate it all and frankly thought it was [censored].

 

Then I decided to walk back home. Whilst walking through a nice part of Newcastle, I suddenly realised that the people there have FAR too much money... they treat their pets like children!

 

No joke, I actually saw a poodle in an electric wheelchair going towards the vets! There was a sun visor on the front of the wheelchair and everything... fuckin ridiculous! And then, it drove it down an alleyway, and five minutes later I see the poodle WALKING back out of the alleyway! Terrible that it should be fakin injuries like that!

 

Now, I'm not proud of what I done next... but I just thought, there's so many people out there on waiting lists for wheelchairs and [censored], and this fuckin poodle's strollin around in a top of the range wheelchair, and it ent even got injuries!

 

So, I walked down the alleyway, and slashed it's tyres!

 

Next thing I know, there's a Spaniel eyeing me, and it says it's going to report me to the police! So, I run like [censored], don't wanna get a criminal record in my first month here, and there's all these greyhounds in police uniform chasin after me!

 

Basically, they caught me, dragged me into the station, and told me I have to go into court immediately, so I didn't even get time to plan an alabi and [censored]!

 

They tell me I'm allowed one character witness to help my case. Now I'm thinkin, I've done a lot of anti-hunting work, I'll just call in my mate Foxy, he's bound to be nice about me!

 

So in Foxy walks to the witness box, and [censored] me if I don't suddenly realise the jury's made up of a load of fox hounds... now I'm feeling like a right cock as they're all thrashin at my witness, baring their teeth, and having a proper go at little Foxy!

 

The judge, an alsation, calls, "Order... Order in Court!", and I suddenly realise.......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THAT WAS A FUCKIN AWSOME MAGIC MUSHROOM OMLETTE!

Shall this be moved to the jokes forum ?

How about the 'yeah right' forum

Sorry? What?

thought the same thing GKB!!!

Oh [censored] the lot of you.

 

I'm going to overdose now.

O deary me !

dizzy said:

Oh [censored] the lot of you.

 

I'm going to overdose now.

 

 

 

you cant overdose on mushrooms by the way, just incase you were thinking of popping back to the deli to o.d on two dozen omelettes.

wizzy bb said:

you cant overdose on mushrooms by the way, just incase you were thinking of popping back to the deli to o.d on two dozen omelettes.

 

may end up with salmanela froma dodgy egg tho!!!

true, but the deli would run the risk of being closed down so i cant see them undercooking the omelette on request to be honest. personally id go for 50 sleeping pills and a bottle of vodka, a timeless classic.

I could eat a nice omlette now as it goes.

i hope you're not condoning the use of halucinagenic drugs maria.

dizzy said:

Oh [censored] the lot of you.

 

I'm going to overdose now.

 

Bye then. Take the fellow [censored] ups with you please.