Things not to say on a first date

I used to have a real bad bedwetting problem ... but the last couple of weeks I've gotten it under control.

I know we just met and this might seem a little sudden ... but could I borrow two thousand quid?

Go ahead and go large - I found spare change in the sofa today.

Something tells me that you're very special ... but with medication I can usually ignore it.

Wait till my bloke hears about this!