Friday

Well, well, well. After months of anticipation it was once again time for the weekender madness to take over the lives of 3,500 clubbers. Pontins in Prestatyn was the venue, as the sleepy holiday resort on the north coast of Wales was transformed into the capital off all things Tidy. After Tidy Weekender 4 finished, and all the tears were shed at the end of another weekender, I don't know how people stayed sane as they waited for instalment number 5. Well, they did, and they came to lose their sanity for 72 hours, once again.

For the 5th round of Tidy's addictive weekenders, they incorporated a military theme, as we arrived, and collected our chalet keys and laminates, Sgt Pickles and Major Mozart were seen walking around in full officers uniform. For the first time at a Weekender event, Tidy issued a dress code for the Friday night. Camo. This had not gone down very well with numerous message boards, including CTW. So the dress code had been relaxed a little, and everybody was asked to wear at least one item relating to the military, even a green coloured top was good enough.

Checking into our chalet, we realised we were just around the corner from the VIP area, which was housing a lot of people we knew. Our chalet number was 189, which now has legendary status, but that will be brought up later in the review. We sorted ourselves out, ready for the night ahead, had a quick scout round the area, to see who was in close proximity, we had @Frazzel's chalet and @Clubbing Si's chalet, and we paid them a quick visit, and then headed off back to 189.

A quick change into me camo outfit of green cargo pants, army surplus t-shirt, and helmet, I was ready to advance from my trench and go over the top for the first time this weekend.

Once inside I entered the main arena where Riley and Durrant were playing some lovely trance to start the weekend off, I have a memory of them dropping bullet in the gun and going crazy to it. As they were reaching the end of their set, I headed off to the toilets. Inside taking a slash was none other than Lee Haslam, what was to follow was the first bit of comedy to a very funny weekend. Two randoms were taking a slash near Mr H, and having a bit of a convo with him, to which I thought nothing of, until I heard them giving him a bit of hassle, banter style, and then came the punch line, the giggle bit. So Lee, tell me, do you ever do any scratching? You know, like Eddie Halliwell Lee Haslam replies, No lads, I don't to which they reply. It's a corker Yeah that's right, the only thing you can scratch is your arse! I thought it was that funny, I nearly pissed on me boots. Lee took it all in his stride, and was having a laugh with them. It was a scene I think I will never forget.

Once I was back on the dancefloor, as in true Tidy Weekender style, I lost everyone. I went back to where we were all dancing, and lo and behold, @jellybabyuk, @Scream, @SexyNic and @Tresh had all disappeared. Then @Shaney_R appeared from nowhere, asking me where everyone was. Cue, mission round the dancefloor, through the arcades, into arena 2, and back to where we were dancing, only to find everyone back there. I'm sure they do it on purpose and follow you around the venue.

So once were all united again, it was time to take a proper look around. As Lee Haslam set about making people dance, we left and sampled arena 2, which tonight was Yoji & Friends This is were we bumped into the likes of @LiamStyles, @Crill and @Frazzel, getting on down to some filthy hard beats from Oliver Klitzing, anyhow, smirking at his surname was not on anyones mind, as everyone was there for a brilliant blend of Hardstyle that would make your eyes water even if the sound system was a little below a standard you'd expect from tidy. After a stomp to him, for most of his set, we set off next door to Arena 3, and into the aptly named funky room  Make love not war. As soon as we got in, I got dirty looks from Shane, for taking him into a funky room, but Tresh, Jellybaby and I were going nowhere, and started to funk it up big time, to the Trophy Twins, as they played some great vocal house that just put a big grin on your face. We lasted about 15 minutes in there, as Shane came running in to tell us the Tidy Boys were about to start. 

As a lot of you may know, my opinion recently of the Tidy Boys, is not exactly colourful, BUT, their set intros at Tidy Weekenders are NOT to be missed. Last time they flew out of cardboard boxes in full cyber, this time was something completely different.

The lights went down, and as only Tidy do, their intro was littered with samples from a selection of Tidy Releases. Being the National Anthem Theme in Arena 1, all the old faves were littered in the intro. Music is the Drug, Man On The Moon and Coming on Strong to name a few. Then with a flash bang of a firework Amo and Andy flew across the stage suspended from the ceiling on cables, in full combat gear and imitation machine guns. Once they had their fun, with pickles doing random somersaults while attached to the cables, they unhooked, and came running round, winding the ram-jammed arena up into a frenzy. Amadeus runs over to the decks and starts to mix in the first tune, as Andy Pickles runs around from one side of the stage to the other. By now everyone is smiling, screaming, jumping and pointing in unison at the boys tidy. The atmosphere is near explosive as Amo does most of the mixing while Andy Pickles does the entertaining. Tidy mentioned that they had sorted the heat problem in Arena 1, well this was its first test, and I have to say it had failed, as it was as hot as any of the previous events, and it wasn't long passed midnight!! As the temperature soared, I had to get rid of the helmet. So Tresh and I headed back off to the chalet, to change me headwear. 

We arrived back from the barracks about an hour later, feeling very spongy. As we hunted down Jellybaby, we went into Arena 2 again, and caught some of Adam from Lab4. We stayed in their for about 5 minutes, I decided it was too hard for the mrs and that she wouldn't be in there. I remember saying to Tresh on the way out that the music was proper nosebleed stuff he thought I said I had a nosebleed lol. Eventually we met up with Jellybaby in the arcade. She was having a conversation with a jonny Knoxville lookalike through the glass. It was weird. 

It was now about 2am, and I couldn't quite get into what was offered from tidy. The night seemed to go into a slump, and I couldn't get out of it. I decided to go back to the chalet again and to try and bump myself up a bit, you know, get back into the swing of things. Tresh joined me. I think it speaks for itself what went on in the chalet. I felt like a sniper while we were there, hiding in a hole for ages, until the right opportunity arose to pounce out and get back into the action.

Upon re-entry into no-mans-land, we headed straight into the arcade, hooked up with the platoon at the previously arranged rendezvous, and marched into Arena 2, to do battle with Yoji and Friends. Once inside we met up with Liam, Crill, Frazzle etc. and joined forces to do battle with Sterling Moss. This was the first time I'd seen him, as I stupidly passed up the chance the previous week after wildchild, all I can say is I was highly impressed. His mixing was spot on, his in-set effects were awesome, and tune selection was fab. I was later told, that he played a average set, by his standards. I was shocked. I stomped the hardest I had all night, and then I heard One Night In Hackney for the first time. I was in my element. Then a girl appeared behind the decks, and just lifted the needle off the record that was playing, and she looked all confused. Sterling Moss then jumped up, grabbed the girl and pushed her over to the bouncers as the girl shouted abuse and the crowd laughed and jeered. 
Dawn later told me that the girl walked straight past the security, onto the stage while Moss was looking through his record bag. The girl was seen throwing water over the bouncers later. I don't know what happened to her, but she was far from with it. I wanted what she'd had!

Mr Moss came to a close, playing on til about 04:10, as Mr Headliner, Yoji Biomehanika messed about with a Apple Laptop to get himself set up ready; the Arena suddenly became very busy. I believe people come to see his hair just as much as him play, as he took to the decks with white streaks in his long locks. As Yoji set off with his first tune, you could tell the sound system was not gonna handle it. Distorted sound from the speakers said it all; this system could not handle Yoji. It was a shame, as I looked forward to hearing Yoji, as the only previous time I heard him was a year before at TW3, where he rocked Arena 1 on the Saturday night. This time though, it was Arena 2, with a sub-standard sound system. His first mix in my eyes was terrible, as there seemed to be a herd of wilder beast running through the arena, which was deeply disappointing. It didn't seem to bother the majority of the crazy loons in this Arena though; they danced like mad, and made lots of noise. Sadly I found the second mix as the first, coupled with the sound system, it just wasn't going to keep me in there for another 40 minutes or so until 5. 

As we left we peaked our heads in for 5 minutes worth of Cally & Juice, who seemed to be playing to a half full arena, which was a shame, as they played a couple of good tracks. I would have stayed but the disappointment of Yoji's set took me down, and I just wanted to get back to the chalet for the upcoming madness that would be the Friday Night Afterparty!!!!!!!

As far as afterparties go, this was a lighthearted affair, with various comings and goings from certain people, in short the likes of Liam, Crill, Clubbing_si, Highlander, Moo and the ever-present Tresh. As we all know what goes on at afterparties that the likes of this group of people I've mentioned attend, I'm not going to go into too many details. We basically got smashed and had a wee chat and dug the odd hole here or there, for people (including myself) to fall into. Liam seemed to be forever at the table, playing about on the surface with his flexible friend. Shaney_r by now was getting into the swing of it, and the entertainment was about to begin. If you haven't met Shane, then I can tell you that he is without doubt the funniest person you can meet. Whether it was just random comments directed across the chalet, or just actions he was doing, everyone just sat back and took it all in. The highlight was the random screams at people walking about outside, he didn't know them, he didn't care.

Moo kept saying to me, that Shane was crazy, and he'd never seen anything like him. When the oxford dictionary people put their word explanation in, it should read:

Random (Ra-n-dom)  Shaney_R

As mid-morning approached the party attendees dispersed back to their own chalets, or off to someone else's. We just chilled out, and got our heads down, ready for the Saturday night.

Saturday

After Friday night and Saturday mornings escapades, we were all a little worn out, and I have to say, for the first time ever at a Tidy Weekender, did everyone in our chalet get a bit of kip. We all awoke at approximately 6pm, and decided to get a shower and a bit of grub. So on went the water heater, and on went the cooker. Wet bodies and wet pasta was the order of the day. 

Once we were all fed, and all cleaned up, we all milled about our chalet, other peoples chalets, and just got back into the swing of things at our own pace. We popped round to @Clubbing Si’s chalet, to find everyone still totally wired from the previous night. Also took a visit round to see Frazzle and co. also popping in to see 879 at his chalet too.

As the Saturday night kick off fast approached we all sat around debating whether or not to make an early start on it or to hang back a bit and let it get going. We all decided on hanging five apart from @Shaney_R who decided it was his mission to go and see Caroline Banx, after falling hopelessly in lust with her at Wildchild the previous week. So of he went, he says he was the first in there, and that she played a storming set. 

We headed in at about 22:15, as Anne Savage was due on, but she had swapped sets with Charlotte Birch, so we had a bit of a stomp to her, before going through to the boys room, in arena 2, to listen to a bit of mixmag future hero Guffy. Once he was done up stepped Tidy’s new Whizzkid, the Magnificent Colin B. Playing a nice tech fuelled set to start with and then finishing up with beats that pounded our senses good and proper. This was by far my favourite set of the weekend, it had a bit of everything, and had balance. The room was only 2/3rds full, but my golly gosh that 2/3 of a room were subjected to some great mixing and an awesome set, which strayed away from the norm, that hard house delivers of late. As his set came to a close, the arena filled up for an established tidy whizzkid. Guyver.

After a very disappointing set at Magna NYE, @Guyver really had to deliver to get himself back in my good books, and to be fair, he started off fairly well, and was keeping a nice flow going with some stomping tunes. This unfortunately died after a while, and my scheduled meet up with @Ikon was on the cards, so I had to leave young Mr Mearns to entertain a mad for it crowd of hard house nutters, who seemed to be having a jolly good time.

I met up with @Ikon outside Arena 3, the next generation hardcore arena, and stepped inside for a bit of a boogie, well, a hardcore bounce. After trying to keep up for about 10 minutes I decided to get out and to try to breath as the temperature in there was easily in the 100s. Once back out into the arcade, we had a quick chat and I introduced him to a few members from the site, then we made our separate ways. 

I headed back into the boys arena, where @Guyver was finishing up, and I have to say he closed a lot better than I have ever heard him finish before. He played some stomping tunes, as next up was Ingo. 

The lights went down low, and Mr Ingomells entered with his remix of Brainbug Nightmare, this set the tone for his set, and what a set it was, dark pounding sounds with an evil stab to them, the whole of arena 2, jumped and found an aggression to their rhythmic pogo-ing, and arm waving. Emma and I sat up on the seats overlooking everybody going mental. 

About 20 minutes before Ingo finished, Emma decided she wanted to go back to the chalet, as she said she had heard a similar set from him loads of times before so off we went. At the time this seemed like a great idea, as Mark Eg was scheduled to play next, but, Ikon told me that he had spoken to the boy Eg and that he said he was on last. So I thought I would go back to the chalet and chill for a while and then go back in for 4am and have it large to Mark Eg for the last hour. Oh how wrong I was. Ikon.. Cheers.

So once back in at about 03:30, we entered the Boys arena again, and there laying out tune after tune of euphoric hard dance was none other than Mr Rob Tissera. Tresh and I had a right good ole knees up and kicked it for a while, enjoying the euphoric sounds that was drumming out of the sound system. I remember Rob Tissera going on til about 4:15am, and I decided it was time to go back to the chalet, and get some pre-after party messiness going. So as Tissera hammered out bring the lights down to a frenzied room of clubbers I gave it all I had before walking to the shop, collecting a couple of pints of milk, and then heading back to the chalet. Little did I know what was to follow!

@Bushy