This Month's Story

[Guest FredTheBaddie]

She walked into my office like an elephant in a shoe store. One look at her and I knew she had all of her ducks in one sock. I needed the work because I was already squeezing the buffalo.

 

"My husband just crapped the bucket," she said, looking a few sandwiches short of a six-pack. I didn't believe her, and I guess it showed, because she started crying enough water to sink a fish.

 

"I'm a server at a restaurant. 90% of my job is physical and the other half is mental. I don't want to be like the wolf that cried twice and then hung all of his eggs on one proposal, but I'll be straight as a doorknob with you. My husband's mud was dirty."

 

I'd known dames that were sharp as a marble, but this one ate the biscuit. She'd cry at the drop of a pin, so I waited until she gave me the whole story in one swelled foop.

 

"My husband was a jackpot of all trades, always robbing Peter Paul to pay Mary. His business was running like sliced bread, but one day we realized we were burning cash like it was water, skating on fire. The IRS was breathing down our throats. Well, one day I said something, and it was like rubbing soap in the wound. I knew the can of worms had come home to roost."

 

"Don't tell me," I said. "You usually dealt with him using felt-tipped gloves."

 

"Exactly. He was a proud man who would give you the shoes off his back. But now he didn't have the gravy in his pocket that he used to. In fact, we didn't have two dimes to pee on. And there was a bad stigmata attached to it."

 

"So you killed him?" I asked, all nonchalant.

 

"No. He just woke up dead," she said. "He bit off his head to spite his face."

 

"Oh," I said. "I'll send you my bill."

 

The End

[Maria]

Can someone summarise for me ?

 

Ta.

[Guest FredTheBaddie]

Ok. In summary, you're lazy.

[Maria]

I knew that.

 

Your shit.

 

And so is your avatar !

 

Edited February 5, 2004 by Maria

[Guest FredTheBaddie]

What about my shit ?