important warning to clubbers

[nice1bruva]

[nice1bruva]

Welsh Tourist Board Press Release}

 

 

 

Adventure Holidays In Wales

 

 

 

So you've been to Australia and New Zealand, you've done the bungee jumps

and experienced the white water rafting... That's bollox...

 

 

 

Cymru Chaos Adventure Anarchy... Wales's newest adventure holiday Company

has the ultimate holiday for the adrenaline junkie. When you arrive at

Cardiff Airport you will be met by one of our representatives and

transported in one of our limousines from our fleet of Y reg Ford Cortina.

First stop is Penrhys Community Centre for a welcoming flagon of Strongbow

Cider. After the 3-hour cider drinking ceremony, visitors will travel by

valleys bus down into Tonypandy for entertainment at the Liberal Club, where

joints and grams of "powder" will be administered to our visitors. After the

club has been closed, our visitors will be organised into groups of 3 and

led by one of our representatives. The groups will then proceed to steal

Ford Escorts and head to Ponty Mountain after high-speed car chases

involving the South Wales Police force. The stolen vehicles will then be

ritually ignited. Police will then chase visitors on foot down the

mountainside. Cymru Chaos accepts no responsibility for visitors arrested by

the police.

 

 

 

Day 2 will begin with a sightseeing trip to Tonyrefail's famous Springfield

estate, followed by drinks at the Boar's Head at 10.30am. The fun continues

at 3.30pm when all participants head to Dinas council flats to score drugs.

Visitors will be allowed to sell their bodies for sex should they have a

problem with lack of money to buy smack. At 5.30pm all visitors will

participate in daylight vandalism by spraying their names on all the bus

shelters all the way down to Porth.

 

 

 

At 6.30pm everyone will participate in glue sniffing in Porth Park. At

7.30pm participants will congregate outside the old age pensioner's homes

 

 

 

drinking flagons of Strongbow and smoking skunk. Visitors are reminded that

they must shout at the top of their voices and swear a lot during this

period. At 8.30pm everyone will proceed to Hannah Street, where all are

expected to participate in public urination. A fight will be arranged with

some Ponty boys at 9.25 outside the kebab shop. Afterwards, cars will be

stolen and our merry entourage will head to "Vapours" night-club where

members of the opposite sex will be invited to go to the car park for

"sh@gging". At midnight everyone who hasn't copped on will meet at the

bridge by the M4 and will engage in throwing breezeblocks at passing traffic

(public buses are the most entertaining targets). At 3am a local off-licence

will be targeted for burglary. Visitors are expected to concentrate their

efforts on the cigarette counter. Everyone is expected to steal a car and

make his or her own way home.

 

 

 

Day 3 will be a "take it easy day" spent in our exclusive Penthouse Penrhys

flat doing bongs and watching cock films all day. Thrill seekers may wish to

tag along for the night-time activity of sharing dirty needles in a heroin

taking session in a shooting gallery in Trebanog. Your fourth day will begin

with a brief visit to the Job Centre to "sign on". Visitors are encouraged

to behave in an extremely loutish manner when visiting the Job Centre. At

10.30am everyone will congregate in the Miners Club in Ton to drink cider

and eat magic mushrooms. When everyone starts tripping, we will proceed to

Coed Ely tip to watch the clouds. The afternoon session will start with a

trip to Roy's Tattooing in Pentre, where visitors will be able to get some

souvenir tattoos done on their arses. Many of our previous guests have been

very taken with the "three feathers" design. The final night will be spent

in Apollo night-club where we will see a tidy band. A bus load of Aberdare

boys will be there waiting for us and the evening will end with a

traditional Welsh fight outside the chip shop. On your final morning, the

trip to the airport will begin with a pub-crawl all the way down through the

valley, culminating in a Hooch drinking frenzy in the airport bar. Drug

taking in the toilets is optional. Farewells will then be said and from me

and the boys we look forward to seeing you next year.... Tidy!

[CrashinCarey]

brilliant

[Power Slough]

I'm there, just send me the details & i'll see you in Wales!!

P.S. I agree with you whole heartedly on the Sasha & Diggers commenmt!! Will you be on the beach watching Digweed tomorrow?