Advice needed before I go insane

[Dink]

Hiya all,

Just joined and sorry my first posts a depressing one.

Id be greatfull if someone could give me some advice please ? because ive just realised that going out every week and abusing every substance I can get my hands on just to forget about this is not working..

 

Anyway, cut a long story short, boy (me) meets girl, girl asks boy out, boy says yes, girl dumps boy couple months later for no fault of his or her own really.

 

4-5 months on.....

Im not going to go into the details of what happened, mainly her realising shes not ready for a serious relationship. I dont blame her as such for what happened, but I did really like her, and was developing some real feelings for her because all the signs were there that it was turning into a proper relationship, was well out the blue....

Ever since then weve tried the friends thing, sometimes were ok, sometimes were not, but, it was and still is really hard, but now Im sort of moving on now, and have pretty much accepted that were never going to be together (as she said).

So anyway, I have helped her since with a few things since then, but on the whole it hasnt been much of a friendship (as you can imagine) and now its just bumping into each other each week and it seems like she doesnt want much to do with me anymore even know shes told people that she really wants the friendship to work, I know these things take time, but, thats not the problem, the problem is she's got loads of problems, and I feel I should and want to be there for her more than I can, and its killing me, I even heard she took an overdose recently, and even know last time I saw her she was ok and seemed happy, I really want to just call her and see if shes ok and make an effort to be friends again, I mean, I do love her to bits, and having her in my life at all is worth the pain of not being with her, but, It still hurts even to talk to her, plus, I dont know if she wants me to call her or not.

But,I feel so [censored] that im not there for her as much as a friend ? even tho shes got good mates who care for her.

Am I being selfish by worrying about my own feelings ? I know I cant really help her as such, just want to be there for her, Ive txt her that im allways there if needed, but, feel theres not much more I can do.

[OTT]

Sorry to hear about your rrelationship issues.

 

After reading through your post, it looks like she is definitely the one who is having the problems, you can only let her know that you will always be there for her, but also make it clear that it is hurting you as you feel that she does not want to be with you.

 

You are doing as much as you can...and you can do no more!

 

G

[Dink]

Thanks for the reply mate, it was really good to hear someone impartial say that. Guess I have a tendancey to blame myself and I know I care too much at times.

Thanks again anyway.

If anyone else has any views or experiences relating to this subject then Id be interested to hear.

Cheers again mate.

[CreamyC]

I think as long as you've done the "I'm always here if you need me" thing thats the best you can do! She knows where you are if she wants to talk to you - which she will in time! I think she just needs to sort herself out! The best thing you can do is be patient and wait for her to get in contact with you, dont overkill the situation by constantly texting her / calling her, she will only get pissed off and think you are some kind of stalker!!!

 

Trust me, when shes sorted herself out she'll be on contact with you no problems!!!

[SarahPVC]

I agree with Creamy - you are best to tell her how much she means to you and that you will always be there for her but that you also need your space to be able to deal with your side of things. It is much harder to 'get over' things with someone if you are constantly in contact with them. If you stick to what is right for you i dont think you will go far wrong.

[FredTheBaddie]

Yep, agree with Creamy and Sarah. You've got to basically make her understand that you're there for her and then sit back and wait for her to come to you if she's got a problem. You can't force her to take help from you. I think your post illustrates your feelings for her clearly, have you said the same things to her ? If not, you've got to; if you can't do it face to face, send her an email or a letter, it might be easier that way ...

Once you've made your feelings clear to her, there's not much more you can do, sometimes you've just got to let it go ....

 

Hope things sort themselves out for you ..

[Guest]

Thanks for taking the time out to reply to my post.

Basically, when we first got together I told her that Id allways be there for her no matter what happens.

I have text her recently saying im here if she needs me. I even sent her an e-mail the other week basically saying that I care about our friendship and stuff.

But, thing is, I do still really like her, thats the problem. Guess I should just take a step back from it all, problem is that we go to the same club everyweek, and we have the same friends, so taking time from it all means taking time from my friends and clubbing aswell, but, guess its got to be done.

Anyway, she knows where I am, she knows I care.

Thanks for the advice anyway, ur ace the lot of ya.

[alasdairm]

i understand text messaging is very popular in europe - i use it here in the US.

 

for matters of the heart - especially when there is a misunderstanding or frustration, sadness, whatever i think it makes a lot more sense to pick up the phone and call rather than text message - it's so much more personal and so much less liable to be misunderstood.

 

i've seen a couple of people who have been upset because somebody they texted didn't reply - when they didn't know if the person even got the message which seems like unnecessary pain.

 

thoughts?

 

alasdair

 

[ 10 July 2002, 06:38: Message edited by: alasdairm ]