Virus Alert - The Mother Of All Viruses

[DJ Elemental]

If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.

It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the strips on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play-- except Yanni CD's. With them it doubles the volume.

 

It will automatically download nasty stuff to your hard drive and then notify the authorities. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your phone auto dial to call only your mother-in-law's number.

 

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your good beer and replace it I.C. Light. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company. Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears. It will give your trees Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.

 

It will order one truckload of steer by-product fertilizer dumped onto your neighbor's front yard and bill it to your Visa card-- the only card stripe it didn't demagnetize.

 

It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.

 

If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows 95 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

 

It will replace all your luncheon meat with beef tongue. It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like the steer by-product dumped onto your neighbor's yard.

 

It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. These are just a few signs of infection. Beware.

 

 

Be sure to notify all your friends, co-workers, relatives, and acquaintenances so that they can prepare to receive this virus, conveniently attached to your warning message.

[SAVAGE]

Bollox, within 20 feet, lmfao!

[Clubbing Si]

lol in my professional opinion BOLLOCKS to that 1 - no offense to u at all m8 - but having worked with pcs 4eva, there is no way a pc can be converted into a magnetic field from a *piece of data* sent down a cable. it is impossible! - the drives and cpu's etc.. can corrupt but only because they r connected directly to the motherboard which will fall to bits if magnetised. it cant escape the circuit.

[Wonky]

if u are being serious si then i am lost for words mate!!

[Clubbing Si]

actually i am being serious 1st time 4 everything lol

[Claire DC]

This Should Be In The Jokes Section

[Clubbing Si]

lol y

[DJ Elemental]

i sooner it here, its not ovious that its a joke, nothing like making people panic abit like

[Wonky]

It will replace all your luncheon meat with beef tongue. It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like the steer by-product dumped onto your neighbor's yard.

 

It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. These are just a few signs of infection. Beware.

 

how did i ever guess??!!