CTW Members Evilhedfuk Posted May 15, 2003 CTW Members Share Posted May 15, 2003 Late last Saturday night a young chap was walking home from a club. It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the streetlights in the area weren't working and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Suddenly he heard a strange noise....... BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road. BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly.... It was a coffin. Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home. BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ He could hear the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster......... BUMP........BUMP....... BUMP........BUMP....... BUMP........BUMP........ The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him...... BUMP........BUMP...BUMP... BUMP........BUMP...BUMP... BUMP........BUMP...BUMP... He started to sprint, but so did the coffin ........ BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..... BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..... BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..... Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys, His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and slumped into his comfy chair. Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase..... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........ BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew off its hinges..... The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified lad. BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet...... He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin.......still it came ........ BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it .........still it came...... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ......still it came...... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........ The coffin stopped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTW Members Dave M Posted May 15, 2003 CTW Members Share Posted May 15, 2003 and i thought mine were bad only jokin ed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTW Members Evilhedfuk Posted May 15, 2003 Author CTW Members Share Posted May 15, 2003 No you're right.... yours are bad! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTW Members jon_m Posted May 15, 2003 CTW Members Share Posted May 15, 2003 ed thats fuckin genius mate!! u get my vote as ctw funniest man!! ur recent form has even put tony p in the shade!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTW Members Bungle Posted May 15, 2003 CTW Members Share Posted May 15, 2003 I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry? Quote Anyone fancy a bongle with bungle? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTW DJs LiamStyles Posted May 15, 2003 CTW DJs Share Posted May 15, 2003 What i want to know is............How big was his bathroom for [censored] sake! Quote LiamStyles Bet you look good on the dancefloor *LiamStyles - mixes on rotation* Current mix "No Concept Of Time" CLICK HERE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTW Members Mr Happy Posted May 15, 2003 CTW Members Share Posted May 15, 2003 ed - that joke was [censored] by ur standards - in future, when u have jokes like that let maria post em as she need some searious humour points @ the mo Quote Mr Happy's fishy fish MangaFish munch munch MSN & e-mail - mangafish@mangafish.net AOL - MangaMorgan Online mixes - http://www.mangafish.net/mixes/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTW Members Claire DC Posted May 15, 2003 CTW Members Share Posted May 15, 2003 Quote You Can Never Have Too Much Of A Good Thing It'd Be Rude Not 2!! *I Need A Tissue* MSN: Claire___DC @hotmail.com Email: clairedc @ dsl .pipex .com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTW Members Mr Moo Posted May 16, 2003 CTW Members Share Posted May 16, 2003 Please bear with this joke... it's funny honest! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTW Members Don Posted May 16, 2003 CTW Members Share Posted May 16, 2003 Class - I love it. Quote Walks quietly but carries a big Fin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTW Members Rick D Posted May 16, 2003 CTW Members Share Posted May 16, 2003 I just want those 20 seconds of my life back please... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTW DJs Tony P Posted May 16, 2003 CTW DJs Share Posted May 16, 2003 Come on rick, how many hours have you wastes reading my [censored] jokes ?? The lease you can do for poor spud is give up those 20 seconds Spud....... twas [censored] mate, but i loved it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTW Members Rick D Posted May 16, 2003 CTW Members Share Posted May 16, 2003 No, your's at least make me chuckle, even if it is only a tiny bit... Ed's was absolute shite... I DEMAND MY TIME BACK!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTW DJs Tony P Posted May 16, 2003 CTW DJs Share Posted May 16, 2003 Ok, i agree with you mate. Mine are much better, but don't tell anyone Don't know how to get your time back thou, will have to have a think about that one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTW Promotors Lisa Posted May 17, 2003 CTW Promotors Share Posted May 17, 2003 Rick NO NO NO...... you dont have to put up with his jokes day in day out!!! do u realise wat youve done now saying that??? I will never hear the end of it!!! Quote Techno, Techno, Techno Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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