Jump to content

What the f**k is in my garden - the sequel


Recommended Posts

  • CTW Members

No weird heavy breathing coming from under some plants this time...

 

I'm out having a cig and then I hear like somebody is walking around in a bit next to my house (there's gravel and a beer can, I hear the beer can get kicked or moved or stepped on, and the gravel crunching)

 

Now I've been burgled like three times so I thought it would be some pikey, so I said 'I'll give you one minute to leave and if you are not gone I'll call the police'. Now I may have been talking to a cat, I don't know. I'm a placid kind of guy (like in physically heavy situations, mentally I'm much better at dealing with) so anything freaky or agro really gets my adrenaline going in a bad way, so the idea of some shithead about to rob my house and one-on-one conflict with the shithead is not something I savour.

 

So I'm standing out there trying to look as mean as possible, shitting myself while smoking my fag hoping I'll hear somebody run off... but I don't. I wait about a minute and a half and I hear something move a tiny bit, so I say 'Right, I'm calling the police now' and go back in and lock the doors... then I get a phone call from a mate who I initially think is the burglar (had prank calls from who I think might be the burglar previously), and am really brutal to him before I realise who he is...

 

while I'm on the phone I hear that damn can getting kicked again. Go out with a torch, nothing there.

 

Am I just being paranoid, or is there weird [censored] going on at my house again? Usually have a lodger's car parked in the drive which isn't there at the moment so if it is burglars they are probably guessing nobody is in.

 

And I keep hearing little noises now I'm back in the kitchen.

 

I HATE READING angryfire.gif

The camels are coming.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • CTW Members

Buy an uzi and just shoot at anything that moves.

My teenage daughter has been kidnapped, and the people I work with may be involved in both.

I'm Federal Agent Jack Bauer and this is the longest day of my life...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • CTW Members
Tresh said:

Buy an uzi and just shoot at anything that moves.

 

Believe me mate, I'm starting to come round to that way of thinking. There is more freaky f*cking [censored] in my garden than I've ever seen in anybody elses. The other day there were like tracks in the grass as if something had been walking on it.

 

I used to live in the countryside and none of this [censored] happened.

 

Now there's all sorts of weird stuff happening in my garden. Like on the first 'what the f*ck is in my garden' thread, maybe it is just aliens.

 

The camels are coming.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • CTW Members
Maria said:

You should be an Author.. smile.gif

 

Anyway...you shoulda picked up a bat, or sumthing, and gone further afield to see what/who is lurking around your house.

 

Don't be afraid.

 

Be a man.

 

smile.gif

 

After the first burglary I discovered that a henry hoover has attachments that conveniently separate into two vicious metal pipes - I kept one in my room and the other in the kitchen - that way if someone broke in I could muller them with a metal pipe. If you remember the night of the earthquake that happened in the UK, well, imagine me, about 1 minute later, stark naked wielding one of these metal pipes and creeping around the house - I thought someone had forced the door.

 

I think in principle you are right, if someone is creeping around and I just go out there without any hesitation ready to knock their block off, they would probably run, especially if I used my scottish hard-man voice which always works whenever applied.

 

I'm a lot calmer now beerchug.gif

 

Thanks for the author thing - I think I'm probably a bit long-winded at the moment smile.gif though was considering writing a book on data management... that would unfortunately not give me any opportunity to have any fun writing it... shrug.gif

 

 

The camels are coming.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • CTW Moderators
llamaman said:

 

 

Thanks for the author thing - I think I'm probably a bit long-winded at the moment smile.gif though was considering writing a book on data management... that would unfortunately not give me any opportunity to have any fun writing it... shrug.gif

 

 

hahahahaha biggrin.gif

 

Anyway...if you think that sum1 is hanging around your house, on numerous occassions you seem to have noticed this, inform the police.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • CTW Members
Tresh said:

Buy an uzi and just shoot at anything that moves.

 

Nah that wont do the job, what he needs is the M249 SAW (Squad Automatic Weapon). Far better at clearing potential assailants.

 

m-249_saw.jpg

I don't do much on this planet, but David Blaine has taught me that I could do less!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • CTW Members
Maria said:

llamaman said:

maybe it is just aliens.

 

Maybe your house is built on a graveyard.

 

Thay would certainly explain the bizarre things I have experienced in my garden. I'd hope to feel something more supernatural though. It definitely explains the bizarre breathing coming from underneath the plants next to the greenhouse.

 

The camels are coming.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...