new working conditions

[James]

Just been sent our new working conditions document !!

 

All

 

Please take note of the following:

 

DRESS CODE

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we

see you wearing Prada sneakers, and carrying a Gucci Bag, we assume you are

doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress

poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy

nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress

in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need

a raise.

 

SICK DAYS

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you

are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

 

PERSONAL DAYS

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called

Saturday & Sunday.

 

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead

friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have

non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee

involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late

afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through yor lunch hour and

subsequently leave one hour early.

 

WC USE

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict

3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm

will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and

a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be

posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

 

 

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive

employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns,

complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,

allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be

directed elsewhere.

 

Have a nice week!

 

THE MANAGEMENT

[SexyNic1562660469]

ha ha ha!

[Cherry]

Oh my god that sounds like where i work! lol