My dads new chrimbo poem

[BenRW]

Heres my dads christmas poem for this year.

If u want more poems like this his website is www.scribblingrivalry.com

 

Stuffing the bird

 

'Twas the night before Christmas and no creature stirred,

Save this guy in the kitchen who’s stuffing the bird.

It lay on its back with its legs in the air.

Its breasts pointed skywards. He just had to stare.

 

 

He’d mashed and he’d mixed with his hands in the meat.

It was juicy and moist, such a succulent treat.

As he worked on it, how he could feel his pride swell.

Such a beautiful sight! Such a wonderful smell!

 

 

Then he took a great handful and forced it right in.

He filled it so well, it was stretching the skin.

He pushed and he shoved and the cavity filled.

He held himself back. He was really strong-willed

 

 

When he’d stuffed it as far as he could down its neck,

He turned it around and then thought, “Blooming heck!”

He stared at the sight that he faced, quite aghast.

The hole at this end was incredibly vast.

 

 

He looked at his meat and then hoped he’d enough

To enable him properly this next hole to stuff.

He shoved it inside just as far as he could,

And thought, “If I run out, there’s the old Christmas pud.”

 

 

But he found he had more than he’d ever have thought

And he packed it well in till it really was taut.

Then he turned it around so it lay on its front

And then forced in the last with an almighty grunt.

 

 

When he’d finished, he felt quite exhausted, and yet

This had been such a night, he would never forget.

He’d tell the best tale people ever had heard

Of the night that he’d stuffed his first Christmas bird.

 

[FredTheBaddie]

How old are you ?

[BenRW]

im 19 but my dad who write it is 50something.

 

Its actually a very clever poem. Most of his poems are. He loves play on words.

[GodsKitchenBoy]

I [censored] hate people who use the word Chrimbo!! Its Christmas!!! CHRISTMAS!!!!

[BenRW]

GKB said:

I [censored] hate people who use the word Chrimbo!! Its Christmas!!! CHRISTMAS!!!!

 

i cant be arsed to write the whole thing. I h8 the word as well as it sounds so naff(another word i h8) but its so much quicker to write

[Dawn]

benrostwood said:

GKB said:

I [censored] hate people who use the word Chrimbo!! Its Christmas!!! CHRISTMAS!!!!

 

i cant be arsed to write the whole thing. I h8 the word as well as it sounds so naff(another word i h8) but its so much quicker to write

 

Yeah it's all of 2 letters longer

[FredTheBaddie]

benrostwood said:

im 19 but my dad who write it is 50something.

 

I see where you get it from now then.

 

Its actually a very clever poem. Most of his poems are. He loves play on words.

 

It's not 'a play on words', it's childish innuendo.

[BenRW]

FredTheBaddie said:

 

It's not 'a play on words', it's childish innuendo.

 

i think u'll find that whilst u may think it is childish it is actually play on words

[Mr Happy]

GKB said:

I [censored] hate people who use the word Chrimbo!! Its Christmas!!! CHRISTMAS!!!!

 

ditto

[Mr Happy]

benrostwood said:

FredTheBaddie said:

 

It's not 'a play on words', it's childish innuendo.

 

i think u'll find that whilst u may think it is childish it is actually play on words

smut isnt really the greatest way of being word clever tho.

i'd hardly call greyam norton the next wordsworth yet he plays with the words in the same way

[Maria]

is it safe to laugh yet ?

[Guest]

benrostwood said:

Heres my dads christmas poem for this year.

If u want more poems like this his website is www.scribblingrivalry.com

 

Stuffing the bird

 

'Twas the night before Christmas and no creature stirred,

Save this guy in the kitchen who’s stuffing the bird.

It lay on its back with its legs in the air.

Its breasts pointed skywards. He just had to stare.

 

 

He’d mashed and he’d mixed with his hands in the meat.

It was juicy and moist, such a succulent treat.

As he worked on it, how he could feel his pride swell.

Such a beautiful sight! Such a wonderful smell!

 

 

Then he took a great handful and forced it right in.

He filled it so well, it was stretching the skin.

He pushed and he shoved and the cavity filled.

He held himself back. He was really strong-willed

 

 

When he’d stuffed it as far as he could down its neck,

He turned it around and then thought, “Blooming heck!”

He stared at the sight that he faced, quite aghast.

The hole at this end was incredibly vast.

 

 

He looked at his meat and then hoped he’d enough

To enable him properly this next hole to stuff.

He shoved it inside just as far as he could,

And thought, “If I run out, there’s the old Christmas pud.”

 

 

But he found he had more than he’d ever have thought

And he packed it well in till it really was taut.

Then he turned it around so it lay on its front

And then forced in the last with an almighty grunt.

 

 

When he’d finished, he felt quite exhausted, and yet

This had been such a night, he would never forget.

He’d tell the best tale people ever had heard

Of the night that he’d stuffed his first Christmas bird.

 

 

[Claire DC]

Maria said:

is it safe to laugh yet ?

 

Was thinkin along the same lines myself