Always listen to Jillys advice....

[Mr Moo]

QUOTE (Billy Gonzalez @ Feb 17 2004, 22:11)

I guess u'd feel like that girl with the pregnant lobster in the loo

That story is fucking ace!

[kitty]

QUOTE (Billy Gonzalez @ Feb 17 2004, 21:24)

A girl walks into a public loo with some KY in 1 hand and a plump, red-tailed lobster in the other. She then drops her knickers, holds the lobster tail-up down between her legs, closes her eyes, thinks of JT and burns the head of the poor sextoy with a lighter. Fun, fun, fun. She woke up in hospital. The lobster was in fact pregnant and ejected its eggs (or 'gave birth' if u prefer) in a spray that startled the girl, she jumped up, banged her head violently and was found by the janitor as she was. Unfortunately the poor lobster died. True story apparently

wouldnt she of been safer using a rampant rabbit?

[Billy Gonzalez]

If easily offended or a virtuous lady DON'T READ ON!!

 

Even worse was the teenage girl from Puerto Rico.

 

She was a massive fan of Ricky Martin and her kind parents entered her into a competition to meet the Latin heartthrob. She won and a live camera was put in her room while Ricky was hiding in her cupboard, waiting for his cue to jump out and surprise her.

 

Little Juanita comes home from school, screams "Mama, Papa!".

No answer.

 

She strokes her pet dog and reaches for a tin of Pedigree Chum, walks upstairs to her room and closes the door. She proceeds to smear the Jelly & meaty chunks on her coochie and Rover proceeds to lick her out.

 

Meanwhile, Ricky's in the cupboard being told to stay right where he is. Juanita's parents, along with thousands of viewers watch on.

 

This is a true story and the girl is said to have topped herself soon afterwards. Now u girls be careful when experimenting with yourselves OK?

[Billy Gonzalez]

If u've met me u'd know I'm a polite, courteous and respectful young gentleman but I just had to warn u girls of the dangers.......

[kitty]

i really dont know waht to say

[russelldust]

he's missed the most important part

 

the lobster was pregnant...

 

and guess where warm and nice the little eggs ended up?

 

yes. that's right she complained of chest pains, was x-rayed and had HUNDREDS of lobsters in her womb!!!

 

So Kitty don't be getting any ideas young lady...

[russelldust]

One morning at around 5am, 22 year old Susan DeLucci of Kittery, Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted with a burning tide of muck. She screamed wildly, and the neighbors called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeNucci lying unconscious on the floor of her bathroom. Running down her leg was a stream of brown and green syrup.

In order to transfer her to a stretcher, the medic lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, exposing her vagina, at which point a creature no larger than a fingertip wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound. Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucus. It was a tiny mud-shrimp. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt nausea setting in, but found that the entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud-shrimp, flipping and splashing at a furious pace.

It is believed by police that two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive physical pleasure, holding a lighter under the creature's head causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian porno video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub.

Ms DeLucci later died of a combination of shock and head injuries sustained when she collapsed. The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of her DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobsters' tail joints. The lobster's head was lightly burned with lighter fuel, and it's digestive tract was found to be full of mud-shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms DeLucci's vagina when she was torturing it.

Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms DeLucci was only four days away from getting her period. Doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud-shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular 'Sea Monkey' pets sold throughout the US. Overnight the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten minutes...

 

 

[kitty]

QUOTE (russelldust @ Feb 17 2004, 21:44)

he's missed the most important part the lobster was pregnant... and guess where warm and nice the little eggs ended up? yes. that's right she complained of chest pains, was x-rayed and had HUNDREDS of lobsters in her womb!!! So Kitty don't be getting any ideas young lady...

dont fret russ,

i prefere cute little bouncing bunnies

[russelldust]

QUOTE (kitty @ Feb 17 2004, 21:47)

QUOTE (russelldust @ Feb 17 2004, 21:44) he's missed the most important part the lobster was pregnant... and guess where warm and nice the little eggs ended up? yes. that's right she complained of chest pains, was x-rayed and had HUNDREDS of lobsters in her womb!!! So Kitty don't be getting any ideas young lady... dont fret russ, i prefere cute little bouncing bunnies I look good in rabbit's ears...

[Billy Gonzalez]

That's right! I forgot about that

Typical of me really, I can't tell jokes without messing up the punch line

[mistress_hoover]

QUOTE (kitty @ Feb 17 2004, 21:16)

so mistress hoover how did u get into the art that is 'filth'? mine was thro lack of filth... was ur's thro too much?

erm...a bit of both..

 

when im not getting any (i.e just now ) im a sex pest...

 

when i am getting some im a sex pest...

 

i dunno...i think ive got a problem with my hormones

 

but hey - its all fun...we need more filth in this world...

 

BUT

 

it can get me into trouble...

 

when i was in twist and a bit messy i agreed to go to a fetish night called 'hard on' with my twist mates.... its well known for gay people getting it on and being fisted on the dancefloor (wrong ) but its also got alot of 'normal' acts.. Anyway my mate was like, if your open minded you will like it (btw..i wont be getting involved in all of this as i doubt there will be a straight guy there) and me being messy i was like 'yeah i cant wait..defo' then realised what i was actually going to...dont want to back out know cause alot of peeps know im going...

 

but sometimes i do need to keep my mouth shut!! lol

 

i will let you know how i get on

[kitty]

.............

why?

why?

why?

 

........

was she poor?

could she not afford sex toys?

 

.....

[kitty]

QUOTE (mistress_hoover @ Feb 17 2004, 21:48)

QUOTE (kitty @ Feb 17 2004, 21:16) so mistress hoover how did u get into the art that is 'filth'? mine was thro lack of filth... was ur's thro too much? erm...a bit of both..   when im not getting any (i.e just now ) im a sex pest...   when i am getting some im a sex pest...   i dunno...i think ive got a problem with my hormones   but hey - its all fun...we need more filth in this world...   BUT   it can get me into trouble...   when i was in twist and a bit messy i agreed to go to a fetish night called 'hard on' with my twist mates.... its well known for gay people getting it on and being fisted on the dancefloor (wrong ) but its also got alot of 'normal' acts.. Anyway my mate was like, if your open minded you will like it (btw..i wont be getting involved in all of this as i doubt there will be a straight guy there) and me being messy i was like 'yeah i cant wait..defo' then realised what i was actually going to...dont want to back out know cause alot of peeps know im going...   but sometimes i do need to keep my mouth shut!! lol   i will let you know how i get on im exactly the same!!   sounds like an interesting night, id like to go to a night like that (god u can tell im frustrated now )   def give me a review chick

[Sparky]

Jeez - looks like the next CTW Meet Up will be at Torture Garden...

 

Any of you guys been? A load of us went last summer to the anniversary TG at Brixton Academy...

 

Kitty and Eliot I'll tell you two about some of what we saw when we meet up on Saturday... particulary what Debs and I witnessed in the women's toilets...

[russelldust]

Kitty and Jilly you both need a damn good seeing too...

 

I'm happy to help out