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Good morning / afternoon everyone, how are you all today? Firstly .......... FOR THE ATTENTION OF PEOPLE THAT THINK I'VE MILKED THIS FAR TOO LONG! Kiss my arse! FOR THE ATTENTION OF PEOPLE THAT THINK I'VE BEEN TOO LONG! Kiss my arse again! I don't succumb to pressure! FOR THE ATTENTION PEOPLE THAT ARE EASILY OFFENDED! Come out of this post and read something more interesting like how many slices of toast you had this morning! **Warning to all members!** Should you be on a comedown and feel a bit fragile today, like you think maybe someones talking about you or you're worried about world peace and feel Saddam is victimising you and you only then I advise you not to read on ........... and God hates you! Okay .......... Sir @James gave birth to ClubTheWorld.com in October 2001! After its first few months in the clubbing field ClubTheWorld found it hard to adjust to its status as the 'clubbers' website mixing it with the likes of 4clubbers, gurn.net etc who constantly picked on ClubTheWorld! However, in January 2002 things began to pick up, more members began supporting ClubTheWorld helping its father Sir James feel proud of his son and although 4clubbers and Gurn were still picking on ClubTheWorld in class, ClubTheWorld could at least hold its head and and feel positive about the future! 4clubbers was a big bully, in fact it was a big fat bastard bully who nicked ClubTheWorld apple and mars bar in his packed lunch. But, as time progressed and ClubTheWorld became stronger, more members gathered to support it and it gradually built up a decent backing, it became what Sir James wanted him to grow up as - to club ... the ... world ... together! Sadly, ClubTheWorld was struck down with a terrible illness that ripped through the heart of its whole system - ClubTheWorld was diagnosed with 'ShitStirrers Anonymous Disease', at first doctors thought it was operable and curable but unfortunately after thinking it was cured, ClubTheWorld suffered a relapse, it was then found that this problem was never going to go away! In total, ClubTheWorld has suffered 3 relapses and is going through its 4th as we speak! There is no known cure for it but we just hope that the stupid fucking idiots quite literally 'do one' and disappear off this fucking site for good ....... although no one is holding their breath! Now for everyone ......... you guys .......... that ............. have made ........... ClubTheWorld.com ........ a ..... unique site ........ and some that ......... can be .......... complete TWATS! Sir @James 'Jizzer' - Founder / Creator and Developer of ClubTheWorld.com The first meeting with Jizzer pants was in some bar called the Langley, Covent Garden over a year ago in the most stuck up little shitehole, I've ever come across! James once said to me "I get pissed off when all I do is ask for a picture for a clubbing website and the response I get is 'what, for some sort of porn site?'" I should've known then that asking the first ever girl for a picture for the site was the exact same response, except the response I got was accompanied with two fingers shoved in my face! Back then I was nice to James and he was nice to me, it was like "Oh hi James, great to meet you last night" and his "Creamy, it was a 'unique' experience to meet you" (everyone says that) but times change and within months it became "Creamy you cunt" and vice versa! But more to the point, myself - like us all - would not be here today if it was not for him! By the way this is not an arse licking session but a pukey one! @active - The ghost of ClubTheWorld! Joined back in April 2002 and met up with him on the day he registered and went to Peach @ Camden Palace, he wasted no time either, after meeting him within an hour the cheeky little shit forgot about me and pulled about 3 girls and was going home with one of them, sadly, this did not materialise as it was later found the girl had a boyfriend / fiancee / hubby, cant really remember! Poor bastard! Theres just one thing I have to say, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU MAN ? @ajfrench - AJ's introduction to ClubTheWorld was fucking hilarious, got on the wrong side of James from the word go as we all thought he was trying to nick what little members we had at the time, he wasn't, he was trying to help us and it was a total mis-understanding, what didn't help was at the time we had a problem with an imposter on the site who logged in under James' name and told AJ to fuck off, funny as fuck, poor bastard, hasn't been on much either, where the arse are you? @alasdairm - I love alasdairm, my American / Scottish fav, hes the man, not sure how you'll take this alasdair considering the amount of clashes me and you had over a period of time on the board but looking back I realise I was out of order at times and deliberately winding you up was not on! Okay maybe it was a laugh - for me - but you have to understand thats the kind of guy I am - a wanker piece! I hope you keep your saneness for my benefit - and others! Cheers mate! @Ameliainleeds - First met Amelia at the first ClubTheWorld night and I thought wow - fit bird! But honestly Amelia, did you think the same of me? Like fit bloke, not bird obviously because I could see in your eyes you liked me, maybe you just cant admit it yet? Or maybe you're scared I might knock you back! Dont worry, I wouldn't do that, all I'll say is that you'll have to get in the queue, there are loads to see, just wait your turn, best things come to those who wait! @Arse - Arse is a friend of FredThebaddie! This was FredTheBaddie's lame attempt at being funny! Grow up mate, I'd never set up dodgy accounts! @Beaker - We owe this bloke, he dont come on much now because the little shite has pissed off to the Garlands board but we do owe him! All of us! He spread the word about in Liverpool, got our member stats up to a respectable number and did alot of hard [censored] in general! He also has a knack of pulling fit birds - fuck knows how, hes an ugly bastard and he never shares them, which I think is a selfish bastard attitude to have! He also brought PVC here - we owe him for that - yeah, a serious punch to the head! @BeBe - This one is the active ghost! You wont see her on the site, you wont even see her posting! But heres a little secret, click the "Whos Online" screen and you can be sure to fuck she'll be "replying / deleting a private message"! But who to? Fuck knows, answers on a postcard please! What I do know though is that BeBe fancies me - FACT - and if it weren't for this sodding shite website I'd be in there with her! Apparently, her getting involved with me would ruin 'our' friends relationship so this is a non-starter - much to my disgust! I have told her we are not friends but she wont listen! @Beckie in La La Land - First met Beckie in Liverpool on our first trip to garlands! Actually - correction - we first met Beckie's arse on our first trip to garlands! What an arse! Jizzer can lie all he wants but he was gawping, not just gawping but dribbling like a little kid in a sweet shop - pervert! Anyway since then Beckie has been a loyal regular and is one of only a few scousers not to have buggered of to the garlandsmademedoit site, not only that she is a fucking good mate and is always there for me when I'm in shit and is one of the funniest girls I know! I love her! @Belle - Belle was one of those few people I PM'd to apologise for my behaviour and attitude! I hope she listened! Because for once in my life I meant it! Now the English members can go screw if they think I'll ever apologise to them because they should understand the humour but with our good friends abroad its not so easy to understand! Like alasdairm she keeps a normal level of saneness when things get totally out of hand and is much appreciated - by me - on this site! @big_ee69 - What can I say about Mr Big? I could start with many things, like why is he so ugly? Why does he smell? Or even question him on being a pervert! But I wont, that would be unfair of me! I will mention a name of Teska and leave it there and take it no further! But Mr Big does help people out and goes to greater lengths than most and in detail of where places are and how to get there - which we already knew, but Sir, thank you, utterly and totally thank you! Thank you so much! @Blink - Blink originally thought I was a wanker! How wrong could he be, I'm not, I'm cool! I'm gutted because to be honest I liked Blink - and then he tells me that, gutted! I first met him at the ClubTheWorld night in December and suprisingly had a decent conversation with him! Suprising because thats a rare occurance these days to have a decent conversation with any CTW member due to their 'messyness'! Blink is a rare breed and I think some decent girl should come along and snap him up! @Bobbymoore - The sexy boyfriend of Julie (podiumgirl), Bobby doesn't frequent this site like most but is on most of the major clubbing meet-ups there is! Its always a pleasure to meet and talk to him, he is a top bloke, just like his girlfiend, great name too! Legend in fact! First met Bobby in All Bar One when I turned up on my own coz none of the other lot were there, easy to get on with and look forward to many more meet-ups mate! Cheerz! @boshmaster - This guy is maaaaad! Comes from harderfaster ( www.harderfaster.net ) but what a top bloke he is, first met him at Superfish in Brixton at the Fridge, this was when James wasn't there, he offered to take pictures of us for the site - which he did - for free! Not a regular on here but nonetheless, deserves a mention! @Bunnykins - The Camden Queen! Always there, most Fridays for Peach! No need to ask her where she'll be, just turn up at Camden and you'll find her! First met Tash (real name) at erm .... thats right Camden Palace for Peach! One of the most dedicated clubbers around and deserves her title completely! None of this "I'm hardcore, me" bullshit, she gets on with it, enjoys herself and is always happy! I can happily say that I was there when she pulled Dylan! And that, ladies and gentlemen is something to be proud of! @C - C is another member of the well-known Garlands Troopers! Not many would know 'C' unless you've either been to garlands or go on the message board ( www.garlandsmademedoit.com )! C is quite fit ladies and gentlemen - sorry, just gentlemen - or just pervs - and at the last time of asking she didn't have a boyfriend, so thats good news! But that 'last time' was in Ibiza last year so it could've changed, she may even be married now, who knows? All I know is the bitch has nicked my 'C' and to be honest thats a fucking disgrace! @Canadian Lover - It was obvious from the start that this name suggests that she fancies a canadian BUT I have heard that her interest has wained slightly in the last few weeks! Does this mean I now stand a chance? If so I definately 'would' because she is a sexy little girl, very! First met her at Gatecrasher NEC in November, thankfully she joined soon after and wasn't I pleased! Oh yes! Obviously not with the canadian loving man thing but I will [censored] on that bit! @CaptinRik - If you cant spot Rik at any of these events then may I suggest you get yourself a blind dog or at least have your eyes tested! Has anyone seen his electronic outfit? FUCK-ING-HELL, Its fucking amazing! Fucking amazing! Fucking amazing! Not only that but dont ask me where he bought it - he didn't, he MADE it! Quality! Top bloke, joined through PVC and takes regular pictures for the site! Nice one! Oh yeah, the suit? Its fucking amazing! @Chris_e_boy - Haven't known Chris for long, first really met him in Elly's bed at an afterparty after Serious in December although there was a female in between us which was nice! Then I met him again in the queue for Fabric when a typical wanker of a bouncer got us split up from the rest of the group, two girls started talking to us - well, me, of course - sadly these girls got pissed off with the queue or maybe my breath and left us, little did we know that we would leave soon after for the same reasons! Arse, had we of known we would've gone back with them and gave them what they wanted - eh Chris? @Claire DC - Claire joined through Scouseladuk and was soon to become a regular member, so regular in fact that she has almost caught me in terms of posts - saddo! But Claire is also a DJ, I've never heard her but would like to - one day or even a mix? How fucking lucky is she to have a club that pays her spondoolies while shes off! Lucky bitch! Its come to light however - just recently - that apparently I fancied Claire when she joined, was this true? Is this true? No chance! I wouldn't lower myself! Shes a lovely girl that always helps people out with problems and for that its much appreciated! @Clubbing Si - You meet someone in Leeds "randomly" (James meets Si), he joins the site and then a few weeks later he find out that someone else (moi) is from the same area! How "random" is that? Very "random" I'd say! Si lives just up the road to me into Essex, I'm just outside, further into London, that makes him the Essex boy! What I find unreal is that he admits it and seems proud! Strange! Si, I have booked you into a clinic to have that sorted! And I've sold your Ford Escort XR3i okay mate! Sorry, it had to be done, those 17ins wheels and the fluffy dice looked terrible! @colin66 - This guy has been nominated for the ClubTheWorld Stud Awards in August, he stands no chance, I'm gonna win hands down, no question! I could have a problem though, this bloke seems to get alot of girly attention and I'm quite pissed off about it, I mean, hes good looking and all that but nothing special, or is he? I think so and if I was a bird I'd shag him, but I'm not, so I wont! Colin is a top bloke! With a cherry on top! Cheers mate for all the laughs, you're the man! @ComfortablyNumb - When I first met Jizzer, I went on my own, knew none of his mates, didn't even know him - but that was in London! Try doing the same thing - on your own and go to Ibiza! Thats what this guy did and what a good thing he did because he met me! But joking aside this guy is one of the most genuine you can meet, friendly, inoffensive and a good laugh! He loves clubbing but dont see enough of him! Numb Bum, come out more to these meet-ups mate!!! CreamyC Wannabes - 4 people have been there, tried it and got nowhere! So this is a dedication to all those Creamy Wannabes out there that want to be me! Give the fuck up! You wont ever be like me! And if you ever try I'll sue your arses big time - and I mean it, I'll be a superstar whilst you lot will still be trying to catch my 10,000 posts! Goodbye, good luck, fuck off and ........ keep trying fools! @Dakers - This is a strange case of someone disappearing off the face of the earth never to be seen or heard of again! Can someone tell me where this dopey bollox has fucked off to? Did he finally get some birdage and just leave us losers here! Dakers, if you ever read this then please get in touch, we're not mad, we just want to know you're safe and well but please come home mate, we really miss you! CreamyStoppers urge anyone thats seen Dakers to call urgently on 0898 255 211 and ask for Sexy Sue! Thank you! @Diablo - "Hi babe, how are you, not spoken to you for while, hows things, I'm gonna be in your area soon, about two weeks, oh by the way, where you from, I can DJ too, anytime you want a mix I'll send you some of my new mixes, remember, I'm in your area in two weeks so let me know, I'm very busy at the moment, busy, busy, busy!!" Yes, Lionel The Vinyl - The Legend! What a man, lets all get down on our hands and knees, Lionel The Vinyl is in the house everyone! Oh shit, what a complete prick I am, this is Diablo, oh well cant be bothered changing the description now! @Dinger - Originally named "Laser Man" for his superb laser lights at the GC NEC back in April last year, Dinger was one of the first people on the site and first met him at the NEC! And what a pain in the arse it was, where 15,000 people were, did we find him, yes we did - with a bright illuminous jacket doing roadworks just by the main arena, he took time out to listen to a few DJ's before going back to his [censored]! These days we dont see much of Dinger, mate, you have to get your arse out soon! djianw - First question, whos Carol? I see posts now and again that mentions a Carol but who is she? I would apologise for being a nosey bastard but I wont because I wanna know? Second question, its taken me an age to realise that the first bit of your name starts 'dj' so does this mean you ARE a DJ? If so, do you have any CD's to send and share with? Potentially if you're good enough you could be up there DJ'ing with the greats such as Tony P and me, is that a big enough incentive enough for you? I hope so! @Maria (originally DJSG) - This bird is LibbyVanDyke in disguise? The most controversial girl to hit this site since the sad consistent posting loss of LibbyVanWinkel, we mourned the loss of Libby's verbal abuse aimed but, thanks to DJSG, we have the abuse back although she thinks she can stand up to me - no chance lover, no chance! Whenever you need advice on how to do it properly then let me know, and if you do well I'll also show you how to abuse properly too! Just you let me know okay ugly! djtommy - One half of the wub wub tag team although if I had to choose, Tommy would win hands down, only met you once mate and it was worrying to say the least! I thought people were sposed to look stupid sucking dummies but you made it look so cool, it really suited you, you made it happen mate and although your "randomness" was disgustingly weird you are an half decent bloke - a nice one in fact! Hopefully you'll teach wub wub to be the same? However, I wont hold my breath! @DJ Elemental - I liked this guy at first but then he begged and begged to be DC's so-called bitch or whatever stupid fanny idea she called it! Still yet to meet you and we will have to sort something out pretty sharpish because I feel sorry for you being out there all alone, see, I am a caring, kind bloke and I will - as will others - make the effort to meet up soonage! Just sort out some decent dates and venues and I'll be there! @Dogz - Woof Woof! How predictable, but this is no ordinary woof woof, its a woof woof thats crying out to ask where the fuck Dogz has disappeard to? I sort of like him but hes an Everton fan and that really does take the piss so I cant like him too much, that would not be right! Dogz, if and when you do return can you let me know mate just so I know you're okay, okay! Thanks mate! @Dondo - Getting on but still going strong! Donda, the question begs to be asked, where did that name come from? Is it a nickname? Is it a merged name of your first and last names? Is it a name that birds have given you? Are you a love god? Do you have a bird? So many questions and you may think I'm being nosey little shitmonger but I'm not, ClubTheWorld are soon to be setting up CTW Dating, we are collecting data and information for the singlelites out there presuming you are that is? @DoObY - Dooby joined on the 25th November 2002! I met him in Brighton on the 13th July 2002! Thats 4 months! 4 fucking months before you bothered your arse to join! Not good enough, why did it take you so long to register? All I can say is that you are one "beer monster" and not only that but have given everyone a new drink to try out - Something Shandy's, bollox I cant remember but anyway it tasted good, almost as good as you look! @DuDu - Sadly, this Babillon Bristol'd Breasted Bubbly Babe doesn't frequent these forums as much as she used to as she is another one of these that have buggered off to the garlands board and taken her very large breasts with her, which is saddening for us lads on here! I would like to thank DuDu for her hospitality whenever we have come up to Liverpool and letting us use her Babillon Towers as a changing room! Unfortunately I didn't see anything! Which is a shame! @ElsxBells - I really dont know where to start! Or do I? Elly is the other half of bunnykins, both dedicated clubbers! And thats it really! This is another one of these situations where its hard to talk about someone you have feelings for but cant bring yourself to say them direct! Basically Elly fancies me and thats that! Always has and always will! Elly is the one that does everyones cards and tags for those that didn't already know so next time you give one out please remember who made them and appreciate it! Thank you! @Evilhedfuk - I first met this evil bastard before the Wildchild night at the pre-event meet-up in the P & P! Anyway, in he comes and says "CreamyC?", I say "yes" he says "you bastard", I say "why" he says "why am I not in your CreamyC film you shit"! And those were his first words to me! You see, evil likes me which doesn't make him evil at all, it makes him nice! What makes him even nicer is that he got me into Serious @ The Cross a few weeks back as a last minute thing for only 12 whereas you lot who were on guestlists had to pay 15 spons! Now thats funny as fuck and evil is the man! @fintbeast - Be in no doubt that finty is a big guy! Be in no further doubt that if you see him first down a dark alley without knowing you best be buying some new underwear! But dont be fooled, if there was ever an example of someone whos a "gentle giant" then its this guy! Only met him a few times but enough to know he is a top bloke - and I'm not just saying this because hes big, I really mean it, I do! I really do! @Fish - Yes, once again, we lose another member to that 'other' site, garlandsmademedoit! Not only do we lose a member but we lose a fit member - bugger! The fish flaps no longer flap in the direction of ClubTheWorld but when they did, they smelt nice, not anything fishy at all! @Flakey Dove - You cannot get more blunt than flakey dove! Whatever he says you know its not bullshit, its the truth! He refuses to lick arse, even Beckies which is strange coz not many would turn that offer down - not that shes offering - but flakey is flakey and you cant beat him - even with a stick! What I did find offensive once was a poll he put up once about who has the biggest tits, the cheeky fucker put me in it, not only that but I found myself competing with DC and DuDu! And the last visit to Liverpool was welcomed with "Creamy, you fat cooont!" @Freano - One of the most genuine guys around! First met Freano in Brighton, actually James did, I didn't meet him until GC NEC in April but still spoke to him on site! He is a fantastic DJ and will hopefully be seeing him at the next CTW night, one of these people that doesn't brag and constantly harp on about him being a DJ, hes good and I have CD's - not Lionel ones but real, good quality ones! @FredTheBaddie - Ray Dysart (real name) quietly registered on ClubTheWorld as FredTheBaddie back in June 2002 after meeting him at Ministry via Elly and Tasha! He had a quiet spell on the site just blending in! Then Ibiza came along and changed everything, since then FredTheBaddie has found himself in all sorts of trouble mainly to do with girls, in fact, all to do with girls! Poor Fred, hes being hammered for being a stud! Has also gained the nice reputation as the resident site "birdsnatcher"! @garlandskate - Very few will remember kate, she doesn't come on here at all anymore! In fact I think shes only been on here a few times I think! But, she deserves a special mention because .......... Kate is the reason we went to Liverpool for the first time, Kate is the reason we went to garlands the first time, Kate is the reason we met Beaker who in turn got us lots of new members, she is also the reason we met up with lots of other people in Liverpool! So for that I want to shag Kate next time I see her! And this time she wont blow me out! She was last seen at Garlands White in Ibiza! @Geordie Becky - First met Becky's tits, sorry, I meant Becky, at the Tidy Weekender, lovely girl but the group hugs are annoying as fuck and along with her tag team partner of Mitz these two are a nightmare when it comes to these disgusting terrible outbursts! But saying that, little word of advice, when closing in on these group hugs make sure you get the connection right because once you do, they're nice pushing up against! Very! I like Becky alot and I think one day me and her could be together! @Groovster - The Dummy Sucker! Now my hatred for these pathetic people has been put on hold for a while, all because of this guy! Unfortunately due to my naiveity I thought all of these types were fools but this guy is actually a nice bloke, even with the dummy stuffed in his gob hes still alright and I think hes a top man! But soon my niceness will wear off and I may turn on you again! In general I still hate the twats that suck dummies, Groovster gets away with it! Coz hes a nice bloke! @HelenTheNurse - Yes, she is a nurse! No, its not one of these silly clubbing names people give themselves, she really is a nurse! And shes a nice nurse! Only met Helen a few times but she seems nice enough, she even asked me for my autograph the other day which I thought was strange but gave it to her anyway, she said she'll treasure it along with the kiss I gave her on the cheek as well, she also stated she'll never wash that kiss off her face! So, if she starts to smell, its my fault! @Housewhore - Funny story! When this name first appeared on the old boards "whos online" screen I thought, wow, fit birdage, lets get in there, funnily enough so did Jizzer! We thought, game on, we have girls joining the site - back then, we had hardly any birdage and were being starved so we were getting excited! We then realised that this member was a bastard bloke, how pissed off were we! Fucking pissed off! Although Housewhore is another one thats pissed off! Shame, he was a funny bloke! ickle_monster - Ickle Monster changed from the cookie monster and confused the fuck out of me! After recieving a PM from him under this name on his comeback to the site it stated he had been away for while but now he was 'back'! I thought this was nice1bruvva fucking around and replied "fuck off you lame c***!" Oops, sorry mate! If you ever see Mr Monster in any club you will see he is one crazy fucker, he loves his music and his dancing, well, you'll have to see for yourself! @Ikon - A long-termer on this site! A long-termer that I haven't met yet, what a shameful bastard I am, some people have seen Ikon from the site and said hes shit-hot and for a change I believe them so I have to go soon! Once again, another DJ that puts up where hes playing for everyone to see and leaves it at that, doeesn't act all Essex'y giving it the large one "I'm a DJ, innit man" maybe because hes Welsh and not from Essex! Nice one Ikon! Jay H - Another Essex boy! Another Essex boy that happily admits hes from Essex! I came onto ClubTheWorld to get away from the Essex wannabes but they follow me! Jay though is actually a rare breed, he is semi decent even if he does PM, Text and MSN the words c*** to me but then again it might be because hes jealous of me, who knows! Fomerly Brian The Snail and formerly a peachyraver this guy lives to club and aint a bad dancer either! @Justin - The second Essex boy in a row! There are far too many Essex twats on this site! Jus probably lives closer to me than anyone in Lary Loughton! Thats not far from my HQ in Wanky Woodford (which is in East london) and Jay H's Rampant Rainham and Lana M's Hairy Harlow and Mr Happys Corny Colchester and even Clubbing Si in Theydon Bois (nothing matches Theydon) Jus makes the 6th Essex type on here! We welcome him, with open arms! Even an Essex boy! @LanaM - Speaking of Essex people, heres another one - the THIRD IN A ROW!!!!! The difference is with this one she is a girl believe it or not and also a DJ! Hopefully she will storm the Essex crowd and get rid of the infested shite of garage that currently parades in those parts! Lets hope so, lets keep our fingers crossed and please will you all 'big it up' for LanaM! Bo! @Lia - First registered on this site in March and has been a valuable and loyal member ever since! However, the first CTW meet-up was at the GC NEC, Lia met up with us but decided to run away and ever since has been doing just that! Questions unanswered regarding who rox MY sox, well, here we are ClubTheWorlders, after 6 months, here is your answer, she knows it, shes always known it, I PM'd on the day the first ever poll came out! Has been here ever since and has avoided the conflict, scandal and arguments that disease this site! Thats why she remains one of the best on here and always will! @LibbyVanDyke - ClubTheWorld's first ever bitch! At first I couldn't stand the girl, hated her in fact but it wasn't until I got a total beating from James one day that I decided to like her for the sake of it! She comes back now and again and gives me shit but knows I'm the man and she dont mess with me - ever! I think she may have got herself a bloke because shes never this quiet - ever! Libby also formed the "Leaving The Board Group" (LTBG) which has ceased to exist since her departing! Thank fuck! @LiquidEyes - Haven't seen much of you mate, in fact only once I think but thanks for your CD's, they aint half bad, I heard you got up to alot of naughty stuff the other night, well done! Be careful though or you'll be held up by the scandal mob - and you dont want that! Hopefully, get your arse out to more of the meet-ups soon and we'll see you then, Nice one my son! @LittleMissLoud - What can we say about this 'little' minger? She came onto the site as ickle loudy but made such an arse of herself by talking shite that she had to go away for a while and re-invent herself as LittleMissLoud! Its done no good, shes still the same, still blonde (wannabe) and now apparently she can DJ too! Debatable! Although I have heard one of her CD's and it is hot which makes me beleive someone else did it? Maybe LionelTheVinyl? Who knows, its good and so is she - I think! @MattD - I'v been told by a little bird that Matt has been worried about what I'd write about him? I don't know why, he's one of the safest blokes around, first met him at the Gatecrasher NEC and then again at the first ClubTheWorld night, you cannot fail to get on with him, if you dont then you're a tosser yourself and I forbid you to talk to him, we are currently negotiating a deal with to star in my latest porn star film! Although I have to question his taste in girls! @CrashinCarey (Mike Carey) - This yanky doodle dandy joined in June 2002 and came with us to Gatecrasher Summer Sound System! He was a regular with us in London before he pissed off back to the States to continue his study! Do we miss him? Well I do and I think the girls do too - or so he says, not quite sure if that part is true, in fact its all bollocks, I dont miss him one bit, okay maybe I do, just a bit! Hopefully he'll be back here soon! @MissyZ - MissyZ seems to have done a disappearing act lately, she was one of the regular student bums that sat around all day and did nothing but post on ClubTheWorld, but she has just gone? Why? Where? Did one of the sites residents pervs get to her and scare her away like they do? If so, its a shame, she is a nice girl and there was nothing better than seeing a MissyZ post popping up! Eg. 2PM: "Hi everyone, I've just got up"! @MItz - One half of the double act with Geordie Becky or it seems a treble act now that canadian lover has joined the team! Mitz is the worst offender when it comes to group hugs, if I'm honest I didn't like her "everyday is a rainbow" attitude at first but she grew on me, quite alot, so much that it got to a point at the Tidy Weekender that I really fancied her, never admitting this of course I kept it to myself to save the embarrassment! Since then Mitz has become loved by all, I love Mitz and she loves me! @Mr Christian - Another former London groupie that left us to do the travelling thing! Bastard! Mr Christian joined the site I think through Elly (she fancied the arse off him) at the Gatecrasher Summer Sound System, from then on Mr Chris became a regular coming out each and every week before deserting us to do his thing, apologies to you Mr C for not replying to any of your emails but I will do very, very soonage! @Mr Happy - Its hard to talk about this 'happy' bloke! Apparently hes always happy! Well you could've fooled me! Over the past Mr Happy occasionally has the odd whinge now and again, where once his "randomness" took to unbleievable heights at a point they got so ridiculous I found myself enjoying reading wub wub's posts! And hes an Essex boy too! Another fucking one but fear not, hes a 'different' Essex boy, not one thats rude, annoying or stuck up, but one thats happy - apparently! @Mr Moo - "I'm bored, who thinks I'm fit"! What a post! In a years worth of members, posts and general shite I have never come across someone so blatant as Mr Moo! No one can be more different in person to what he is on the board as Mr Moo is, on first registering I thought the name 'Mr Big' would've been more appropriate in terms of what hes like but yet meet him in person, he is one of the nice guys - so much so I even bought him a drink when I met him last! I doubt that will ever happen again though! @neet - I'd say without actually meeting neet and without seeing her properly she is a nice looking girl! But shes getting married! Shame! Or is it, it seems I have been recieving rather strange emails lately with someone confessing their undying love for me! I know, this happens all the time but my money for this one is on neet, definately! So, come on then neet, lets play a game called, "who rox your sox?" In fact dont answer that, I already know! It'll be our little secret! @nice1bruva - Fucking wicked bloke but sadly this little shit dont come out as much as he used to! We have to book him now because - it seems - hes too busy to come out with us - arsehole! A capital Gurner and some of the best gurns have appeared from this dude (take a look at the pics from Tidy London in August) Neil (his real name) needs to come out more often, I miss you mate! I miss your good looks and your little kisses you used to give me! And your gurns! @Nick G - Nick G is another one of the ClaireDC army joining after meeting her! When he first turned up at the All Bar One bar just before the SE1 Club in August he was Mr Quiet who barely said a word and I never thought he'd register on such a site such as this one with a bunch of loudmouthed bastards - but he did - and I'm glad! Has become the most reliable and sound blokes around and always gives me good advice when I'm going in the wrong direction! Thanks! I owe you! @oddball - In a clubbing world where everyone likes to call themselves 'caners' oddball is one of a few that I would probably say is! He doesn't come on saying how fucked he gets, how random he is, he gets on with it naturally and makes everyone else laugh! I remember making this poor bastard wait over an hour at Ealing Broadway tube station on our way to Gatecrasher Summer Sound System but the highlight of oddball remains at the Tidy Weekender! I think many know what I'm talking about! Especially Bony T! @pander - Panda is the best mate of Jizzer and live together (that deserves a medal) and is also Founder / Creator of GarlandsMadeMeDoIt. Panda - or Paul - was, along with Jiz, the first person I ever met on ClubTheWorld! Not many people will know Paul, he's recently set up GarlandsMadeMeDoIt for the Garlands peeps - where most of them have pissed off to - but its a great looking and well designed site and all set up by him, another person who has helped me and given me some good advice! @Pepsi - Pepsi_Cola - It took Pepsi fucking ages to actually do her first post! For over a week the online status which was at the top of the screen on the old board at the time said "Pepsi" but not one Pepsi post! So I encouraged her and put up a "Hello Pepsi" post! Which she ignored! Rude! But she eventually did and I didn't have the pleasure (or not) of meeting her until November at the GC NEC! Another one (like Lia that run away from me! I put it down to the secret pining for me but some other bastard got there before I could [censored] my magic on her! Arse! [Code FTB] @pink_smurf - Pink Smurf was another that we met at the Fatboy Slim Brighton Beach event in July! Not the first, and certainly, I dont think, the last person to come on to the site and take one of the CTW girls before I had the chance to use my silky pulling skills on them! Pink Smurf was in Ibiza although I hardly saw the bastard it was nice knowing him when I realy did actually speak to him! @Podium Girl - A very nice girl! A very nice girl that has a boyfriend! Damm! Have met a few times now and the most striking thing about her is her smile! She rarely sits down in clubs and is always up and dancing! She is a top girl and always have decent conversations - one of a few people! Not a regular on this site who should be but anyway she deserves a big fat welcome! That was a bit nice wasn't it! @pocket raver - Her twins are fantastic! Its a shame shes so small because at normal height they would be the best pair to push up against, yes once again this is 'Pervs Paradise' and we see no less than 5 male members all chasing her! I'm not suprised she is in demand and the fact I ignored her three times on New Years Eve was not because I was a rude bastard, not because I thought she was ugly but because she is just sooo tiny! But I wouldn't say no! Definately not! @Power Slough - Is yet another one thats disappeared off the face of the earth, even sadder, it appears hes taken his bird with him (twintrouble), now thats unfair and selfish, if you leave you the site you should at least allow us to keep your birds on the site! First met up with Mr Slough Power at the XLR8 event in Brixton when he solely became my bodyguard, he did fuck all though because within minutes I'd lost everyone in there! But lets be fair hes a top bloke but need to see more of him! @rachel - Rachel is one of these cuties you meet! I've always seen Rachel to be totally unoffensive in every way! But - as with HelenTheNurse - I think she also has a secret pining for me, in fact these two are like little schoolgirls with me, asking for my autograph and a kiss and screaming like the good old Take That fans! I like Rachel, I think shes a wicked girl and not coz she fancies me but purely because I think shes an 'ace' girl - very much so! @Saffy - If I was older or Saffy was younger then I definately would! But because she is married and alot older than me and the fact I have far too many girls on the go as it is this will never happen, much to Saffy's disappointment I hear - and mine if I'm really honest! I dont usually go for the older woman but I'd definately make her the exception! Definately! What a shitter life is! Saffy can also give it the large one on the dancefloor too which is an added bonus, a bird that can actually dance!!!! @SarahPVC - SarahPVC joined in May and effectively turned this site around! It was always said that ClubTheWorld would eventually organise its own nights - eventually! The plan was in or around two years with fingers being crossed, but with Sarah's [censored] it was made possible in under a year - something I never thought would happen, since then PVC's contacts have made it possible for more to be planned and contacts within clubs, ie, DJ's etc! However, PVC needs to get over her fantasy about me, its a problem thats multiplying every day, if its not stopped soon then a collision course is guranteed with all the other female birdages that I have! @scouseladuk - SLUK - as hes also known - became a regular member on here after a few visits to garlands! Yet again, hes another thats made the move from ClubTheWorld to garlandsmademedoit, the cheeky fucker! As much as scouselad would deny this (boom boom), he was a stud and many a birdage did fancy Dave and us blokes were all threatened! Who remembers KinkyKell? She wouldn't leave the poor bastard alone, any post he was in she'd reply with some pukey love heart rubbish, talk about schoolgirl crush! But, thats the price you pay for being a stud, something I would know nothing about! @Scream - The first time I spoke to Scream either on here or MSN I thought he was a mid-30's bloke (like Jizzer) who decided to join the old fogeys clubbers and perv at young girls! How wrong! This bastard is younger than me, not much, but still younger! You'll usually find Scream somewhere in a club scared shitless of even his own shadow or 'sketching' out somewhere! Word of advice, dont poke your tongue out at him when hes in 'sketchy' mode, it will sure to fuck scare him for weeks! And lets not even talk about the nightmares ...... @SharonW - Shaz-tastic was the first victim of the 'wig' at Sundissential! In James style 'you cannot fail to not get on with her' which is true! I have only met her once and that was then and if I'm honest I cant remember what Shaz looks like, even the avatar doesn't ring any of my bells! Well it does but not the one where it makes me recognise someone, I'm even thinking whether this is the same girl I am even talking about ?!?! @Shenlong - From his first avatar picture he put up I thought he was DJ Shan and got all excited! But then I realised it was Shenlong! But its not all bad, Shenlongs a wicked kind of a bloke although the last few times I've seen him hes been absolutely fucked, a few nights in a row without any sleep has started to take its toll on him but he'll always be there regardless! And lets not talk about the issue with the step and a slip and some wet patches! That would just be unkind of me to mention! How is that back after you fell? Ooooops! @signum - Signum, for a very long time was the lonely Scot up in Glasgow! Poor bastard! But Signum is also one of the CreamyC wannabes setting up CreamyE and being every bit not like me - nice! Fomerly his name was "Out Of The Blue", Signum had about 10 name changes before sticking with Signum! This confused the absolute fuck out of some people because some fools thought he was the 'real' Signum ("What ya got 4 me?") and I bet thats why thats his name! For the attention! Signum is nice and friendly - even funny at times - and happily has a new CTW mate in Scotland - TomD! Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh! Isn't that sweet! @Smurf - Whoever knows Smurf cannot fail to think of him as "AKA - The Hoover Man", how many people would take a hoover into a club? Not many! But Smurf has done one, no one knows where this little sod has pissed off to, he hasn't been seen for well over two months and no contact has been made! OPO TV reports seeing his whereabouts hoovering up a street lamp post last week but this was apparently a load of made up 'random' bollox! @Sophie - Met Sophie not long after my first meeting with Jizzer! Sophie was with James, or was she? Was she? Yes! No she weren't, yes she was? Confused? You will be! But after knowing Sophie the longest she is misunderstood in a way that she cant put her points across as clear as some and then people take her the wrong way! If you were to meet her shes nice, I have treated her like shit sometimes but the information that I recieved was wrong and someone was stirring the shit! And I was wrong! And for that I apologise! @sweet26 - I came across sweet26 in Ibiza, we met, we danced, we snogged (hate that word) and we went back to my apartment! Nothing happened after that because my keyboard broke and it finished as quickly as it started! I hear rumours that she may be visiting this end of the world soon and doesn't particuarly want to meet me because shes scared of me, arse! Yet another Jizzer-linked bird as he pulled her on Virtual Ibiza but rumours are she is secretly seeing someone! @tantrumqueen (Nina) - With a name like this you'd expect her to be the cause of many tantrums! Rubbish! She should be re-named the scandal queen, shes already found herself in a difficult situation with a few certain people and that was only just over a month ago, nice! The ClubTheWorld night built the foundations for this and theres been problems ever since, if it was funny I'd laugh but its not so I wont! Trust? I wouldn't as far as I could throw! @Tara - Tara quickly became the first bit of birdage we had on this site (barring Soph, who didn't count coz she was here via Jiz)! Along with James and Soph we met up with Tara in February for 'the first ever ClubTheWorld meet-up' (4 people for fuck sake!!!!) and immediately became a fight for her between me and James! I lost so no prizes for guessing who won that contest! Since then Tara has become a regular member of this site and my 'little sister' although I am seriously rethinking this one due to the constant piss-takes she does of me! Also - RE: Ibiza! We took a battering from her! @Teska - Teska was sadly one of the victims of the ClubTheWorld Perv Team! She came out with us in October and was subject to much attention from the male pervs! Naming no names (FredTheBaddie, Nick G and Big_ee69) Teska had only eyes for one person, shockingly it wasn't me for a change but someone else! That meant some lucky shit got in there before anyone else and to say it totally pissed off certain other people would be a massive understatemnt! But Teska is a top bird, tweet tweet! @TidyTraxGrant - Poor bastard! The first regular male member to join after me! The butt of some jokes for his liking of cheesy music which earned him the nickname "TidyCheeseGrant" or "CheesyTraxGrant" but no one can deny he was one of the sites decent, honest blokes! Unfortunately Grant's days were numbered as soon as the one of many 'competition posts' were put up, ie, "how hardcore are you?", Grant - being a non-drug taker - stood no chance, the abuse aimed at him (some joking, some NOT!) was totally unfair and bang out of order, not a case of whether he was or not, he didn't do any! Respect! @TomD - Has saved Signum from being completely forgotten about in Scotland! Although I do remember you being at Gatecrasher in November I dont actually remember meeting you? And how rude of you to come down to London a few weeks back and not actually meet us! You're forgiven this once but dont let it happen again - ever! And also, a favour, can you get more scottish people on here, we have more Americans than we do Scots! We need more beer monsters! @Tony P - On first meeting Bony in May I thought 'what an ugly cunt' but over a period of time I got used to him and his ugliness - and his DJ'ing! But, saying that, Tony is a spot on bloke who mixes some spot on CD tunages which - in turn - gets him some plays at some well-known clubs in and around London including Smile, Milk, Cupid as well as the ClubTheWorld Night and soon to be playing at the X-Static Vs Slinky event in April at Camden Palace! Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls would you please get on your hands and knees for Bony M! But I'm a better DJ (signed LionelTheVinyl)! DJ my arse! @Tresh - Speaking of ugly cunts how appropriate for Tresh to be next on my list! Make no mistake about it, this guy is ugly! I first met 'Trish' at Global Gathering in July when I first met oddball! Jiz took him from the the actual site to nearest train station and the ungrateful bastard wasted no time in slagging me off for taking too long and getting lost! But, I have to say that Trish is the only person that can actually give me any shit, not for long though, revenge is planned on this twat, I wont touch his face tho, thats bad enough as it is! @Wub Wub - I have never believed in that saying "saving the best til last" because its untrue, well, certainly in this case anyway! wub wub blows hot and cold on me, one minute I like him slightly and other times I think hes a complete twat! In fact, most of the time I think hes a complete twat! Joined shortly before Fatboy Slim in Brighton and getting 'it' together with Elly, I remember, I even spoke to Jizzer saying what a top bloke wub was! I apologise, this is proof that I cant always be right about people, I do occasionally get it wrong! DEDICATIONS TO .......... MORE @DAN Hurford - for never speaking to you again after the HoneyClub! @Cabby King - for using your house and a stop-over place in Brighton! @Dancing Diva - for being dutch and having a great pair! @Dutch Delight - for also being dutch and having great hair! @SteveSpectrum - for being a non-wannabe DJ playing back-to-back with a wannabe DJ - Tony P! @Fairycake - for coming into a chalet full of complete twats! @garlandsboi - for being the number 1 for swooning! @debiy - for all the times we have gatecrashed her house and used it as a changing room! @goshow - for being SarahPVC's bro ! @Skippy - for being James' bit of stuff in Ibiza! @Daddy - for being the 'man' in Ibiza! @Gilly - for DJ'ing superbly at the ClubTheWorld night! @Kazuwal - for being one mad bastard! @Tim - for being the other mad bastard with Kazuwal! @twintrouble - for being yet another poor girlfriend - this time - Power Slough's! @Pablo@Garlands - for being the very chilled-out cool dude from Liverpool! Tidy Toni - for keep saying you're coming out with us and NEVER DO! DEDICATIONS TO BOARD MEMBERS I HAVE NOT HAD YET HAD THE PLEASURE OF MEETING @rainbowgurl - for not liking men in that way! Mrs Moo - For being Mr Moo's poor, poor girlfriend! @Mitzie Dancer - for being the fittest bird I have not yet met! @SAVAGE - for looking like an ex-girlfriend and blowing me out twice! @Darkraver - for being in London and not actually ever meeting us! @jaketherave - for not really having spoke to you! @sentialSteve - for pulling all the birds! @Tina_g - for still not sorting out her fucking avatar! @Ronin - for looking like Manchester Utd goalkeeper Fabein Barthez! @fluffyb - for having the weirdest, strangest, gurniest picture on this site! @jasun - for being here! @Kazmataz - for being Boogietowns tittie queen! @Kenikia - for not coming on anymore (under what name this time?) @kinkykell - for doing the same disappearing act at Dakers! @Krazeh - for having the best on-site argument with Beckie in la la land! Lazy - for coming back on to the site! @Leesh - for not really knowing you richinford - for being ameliainleeds boyfriend matthew - for finally moving your arse to Bournemouth and giving up your job! @Squirrel (Nell) - for knowing Mr Happy, although thats not a good thing! @stryker - for not actually meeting you - or have I ? @sugaratias - for being MissyZ's girlfriend! @tidygirl - for being tidy! But, also in the last year this site has attracted all sorts of people, random ones, sketchy ones, comedown ones, hardcore ones, look at me ones, messy ones, ugly ones, foolish ones, mingers, twats, wannabes, DJ's, Tony P, fakes, made up user ID's, blokes, birds, unfunny people, funny people, think they're funny people, birdsnatchers (not just one), gays, lesbians, backstabbers, two-faced, lick arsers, kids, dummy suckers, group huggers, shit dancers, attention seekers, glowstick freaks ........ some of these have proved so popular that some groups have been set up in special recognition ......... The Leaving The Board Group: Fortunately this group dispersed as quickly as it was formed - thank fuck! Initially started by LibbyVanDyke - for anyone that remembers her - this was quickly followed by others, it became the most wankiest ever subject on the site! There are still the odd few who have stated they're leaving the board 'off the board' but all they do is put themseleves on invisible so that no one sees them! And yes, you are known who you are! The Hardcore Clubber Group: Still going strong and still like to tell the world how hardcore they are! This group also like to criticise others on how much abuse of certain substances they DONT take, if non-hardcore people fall asleep 5 minutes before the closure of a club or if people dont make afterparties the Hardcore Clubber likes to make it known to everyone else how much of a lightweight this person is! Hardcore Clubbers, give yourseleves a medal and well done! What bollocks! The Most Random Group: The biggest group on the site! These people are the 'randoms', so random in fact they have to remind people how random they are, surely if they were random then people that are 'not' random would notice this straight away! The biggest load of tossers around, "I'm so random, much more random than you", "no you're not, I way outrandomed you the other night". If you're sick of the word random in this paragraph then you are clearly not random! The Group Huggers: Innocently started way back as a smiley just after the Garlands fire, this then started a phenomenon, its used when someone says "oh dear, I seem to have hurt my little toe" which then leads to a wave of group hugs for that stupid person! Its the most unmeaningful and fake way of showing concern ever! No one means it when they use it, its a load of arse! Group Huggers can also be seen in clubs when people are having a 'random' or 'sketchy' moment or a paranoid trip on how a certain outfit scares the fuck out of them! WHAT ... THE ... FUCK !!! The Dummy Sucker Group: I dont really have to say much on this group, I could just ask you all to take a look at some previous pictures on this site of how stupid these people look! I dont think the word 'grow up' has ever entered their lug holes, its either that or they like looking like a twat poncing around sucking it! Would someone be kind enough to tell these people that only kids in pushchairs with their mums on a Saturday afternoon shopping trip look any good sucking them! The MSN Crew: Named themselves 'crew' because they mirror the shit that So Solid Crew come out with! This is the 'off-the-board, take it outside the forum' alternative, apparently this is the best way of sorting things out! Of course it is, thats why 98% of the bollocks thats entered on the board comes from a bunch of stupid twats starting up some bullshitting lies on MSN! Take it off the board - no chance, this is the single biggest cause of rumours and crap! The Anonymous Group: Like to stay anonymous so they dont cause shit? What a laugh, this is the cowards way out, these people are not brave enough to come out and say what they feel, if you're not gonna come out and say something in person then why the fuck say it? Its the best way of causing maximum destruction because others then play the guessing game of who it is, this then spreads and hey presto you have yet another rumour! Yeah, it REALLY works to be anonymous doesn't it! **PLEASE NOTE** - The MSN Crew and The Anonymous Group [censored] in tandem, they'll fish out good gossip and turn it around aiming to cause lots of shit! The Competition Seeking Group: This group have always been around lingering here and there like a bad smell from a camels arse! You'll always notice a Competition Seeker, heres an example: "Hi everyone, wow, you should've seen me at the weekend, I lasted 48 hrs being random talking about gherkins" in which the Competition Seeker replies "yeah but what about when I dressed up in a flannel and pretended I was God, fucking hell, I was soooooooooo funny"! Wub-bish ! The Killing & Milking Group: This group has nothing to do with killing anyone OR milking a Mr or Mrs Moo! I'll give you a clue: "random", "do one", "jog on", "the scratchy man", all killed and milked! When I say this I mean that someone or something funny happens either onsite or off it, its then the job of the members of this group to then overkill it and milk it so much that not only is it no longer funny but it becomes fucking annoying! Even worse, it gets lower when people start arguing over who made it up! Welcome to ClubThePlayground everyone! What a load of arse! And that concludes the round of Post 10,000, just wait til Post 20,000 when I tell you all how fucking wonderful I am creating my own empire and picking and choosing the birdage I want! Auf Wiedesehn twats!