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So Clive, why Australia? I’ve been a few times and LOVED it. It’s summer at the moment and forecast to be 38 degrees on Christmas day. The weather, the surfing (I can’t surf), the beach (girls in bikinis) and the fact that everyone in the shops can speak English. Is it not true that it’s actually because you really want to be Australian and that’s why you’ve been adopting that fake Australian accent all these years? I do want to be an Australian, or at least I need a passport if I’m going to stay for as long as I want to. That’s where Kate comes in. Plus, my accent is noted as being trans-Pacific neutral. You’re best known in London for running the hugely popular club night Platform 12. Do you think your tough management style is what led you to be so unpopular, or was it just your personality? Unpopular, moi? I just perceive that to be jealously. Do you think it’s possible to run a major club night and not become a “source of general public amusement”? (Source Undisclosed) That’s actually quite funny… I do get a lot of shit my way, and most of it is just your typical banter, but there has been some pretty off-key stuff too which I’m not happy about (see previous comment). I’ve seen dozens of REALLY funny photoshopped Clive Morley’s on the web though. People obviously have way too much time on their hands! Fine. One of your proudest moments must have been being made resident at nightclub Fabric and being nominated for Breakspoll. How would you describe yourself as a DJ? There are 2 types of DJs in this world; ones that do the “head bopping” while mixing, and the ones that “thrust the decks” while mixing. I’m a deck thruster. Musically, I play what I call “solid music that makes people dance their fucking arses off”. House, breaks, electro, vocals, crunchy, prodigy, Killers remix, whatever. If it’s solid sounding, with drums and a hook, then chances are I’ll be in to it. Style-wise, when I’m not shagging the decks, I’m doing my best to put records together in the right order and keep everything in key. I guess I’m like a credible party DJ. So not “one of the worst DJs I know” then? I bloody hope not. You definitely never said that ? To me? Last Friday? Hmm... So, tell me, how would you describe the various members of the current Platform 12 team? Platform 12 has a fabulous team which consists of designers, DJs, production staff and promotions. I’m just going to mention a few of the key people below as my dinner’s nearly ready. Do you know Star Trek? Kit’s my number 1. Plus he’s the biggest geek in the world. He pretty much does everything while I kick back and relax. In fact, while I’m talking to you, Kit’s probably off somewhere making a new illuminated sign that is sync’d to the bass drums or something. Zoe, who looks after about 75% of the web marketing and is utterly fabulous, is the quietest member of the team but one of the most respected. She’s great at what she does, very hardworking and we couldn’t do without her. Joana has been with us about a year and has been awesome just helping out on stuff. She probably takes the most flack from me & Kit but secretly we know she likes the attention J . She also, absolutely always, without fail, says “ok, thank you, goodbye” when hanging up the phone. She did once try to deviate, but then there was just a stutter and awkward silence so she has reverted back to her trusty method – give her a call and see. Sam Banks looks after our press and while being really elusive, is probably the loveliest person on the team… when we see her!!! Leo’s moved on from P12 these days but has become one of my closest friends ever since he joined us. Leo’s been there since the beginning (almost) and P12 wouldn’t be anywhere without him. He looks exactly like Bruce Lee, awesome DJ, very funny bloke and could happily waste 3 years inventing a faster way to lick a stamp. Julie Pepper is our promotions assistant and while having an annoying habit of speaking her mind, is very sweet and very hard working. And what makes the team so special, why has it been such as success? Because we’re a team. We all work hard for each other and everyone does their bit. There’s a huge amount of talent at P12 and I’m happy to take full credit for picking them out. And how exactly have you managed to convince them to do all the real work and let you take all the credit? What’s the secret? Well... if I told you that, then it wouldn’t be a secret! Now, on to you as a person, how would you describe yourself in 3 words (try to avoid using shameless, pervert and deviant). Unemployed, immigrated, jetlagged. If your friends had to describe you in only 3 words, which do you think they would use? Does the avoiding shameless, pervert and deviant still apply? I’m almost certain they would go for ambitious, fair and really-annoying-when-hammered-at-platform-12. Well, excitingly, we can find out. Here’s what they really think: Leo: He drives like he's driving Miss Daisy!! Kit: He’s got that special mincy mincy dance he does when girls are around. Sam: He hogs all the drink tokens. Zoelee: I used to fancy that guy from Spooks until I saw he was the spitting image of Clive Fascinating. Do you think you might want to change your description of them now, bearing those in mind? Ha ha – spot on guys!! Great. Well I feel I know a lot more about Clive Morley as a person and as a promoter, however, there is one thing that still interests me… Clive, so many DJs take on a new name when they start DJing, were you never tempted to do this? I think people that change their names have insecurity issues. So you never fancied changing your name to something totally different? Well, my only regret is that after changing my name to Clive Morley, I forgot to give myself a middle name! Hmm, interesting… Clive Morley was being interviewed by Simon McEvoy