Blonde Jokes.............................

[Shaney_R]

Did you hear about the two blondes that froze to death in a drive-in

movie? They went to see "Closed for the winter."

 

 

Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children? She heard that 1

out of every 4 children born in the world was Chinese.

 

 

Bambi (a blonde) goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of

x-ray glasses. She checks them out, and isn't fully convinced, but as

usual, the store assistant comes along and closes the deal. On her way

home, Bambi puts on her new x-ray glasses and, bingo! She sees everyone

in the street naked. She takes them off for a moment, and everyone has

their clothes on.

Puts the glasses back on...everyone is naked! "Cool!" As she arrives

back home, she is eager to show her new toy to her husband, but can't

find him.

She goes up to the bedroom and finds her husband and the young woman

from next door naked in bed. She takes the glasses off, and the two are

still naked. She put them back on, and they are still naked. Bambi then

says:

"Darn, I just paid fifty bucks for these and they're already broken!"

 

 

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip

of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room

doctor asked her. "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde

replied. "What?" sputtered the doctor? "You tried to commit suicide by

shooting your finger off?" "No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put

the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these

breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest." "So then?"

asked the doctor. "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I

just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting

myself in the mouth." "So then?" "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I

thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the

other ear before I pulled the trigger."

 

 

Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall? There was a power

outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four

hours.

 

 

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad

hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it

to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he

decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the

tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So the blonde

went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her

tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still

nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said,

"What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had

instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents

to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You

need to roll up the windows first."

 

 

A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses.

The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while

covering the right eye. The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was

which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a

hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to

read the letters.

She did so; he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.

"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about

getting glasses." "I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my

heart set on wire frames."

 

 

A blonde was shopping and came across a silver thermos. She was quite

fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk

to ask what it was. The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos...it keeps

things hot and some things cold." "Wow, said the blonde, "that's

amazing...I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it

to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. "What's that,' he

asked? "Why, that's a thermos...it keeps hot things hot and cold things

cold," she replied. Her boss inquired, what do you have in it?" The

blond replied, "Two popsicles, and some coffee!"