mens 5 most feared questions

[Shaney_R]

Mens' five most feared questions:

1. What are you thinking about?

2. Do you love me?

3. Do I look fat?

4. Do you think she is prettier than me?

5. What would you do if I died?

 

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth).

Therefore, as a public service, each question is analysed below along with possible responses.

Question #1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I have been a bit pensive darling. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

a. Nothing

b. Football

c. Jennifer Lopez

d. How fat you are

e. How would I spend the insurance money if you died?

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you"

Question #2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is necessary, "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include:

a. Oh yeah, sh/t loads

b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?

c. That depends on what you mean by love

d. Does it matter

e. Who, me?

Question #3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!!"

Among the incorrect answers are:

a. Compared to what?

b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.

c. A little extra weight looks good on you

d. I've seen fatter

e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

 

Question #4: Do you think she is prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!!"

Incorrect responses include:

a. Yes but you have a better personality

b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner

c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age

d. Define "pretty"

e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

 

Question #5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question. (The real answer of course is "Buy a Ferrari and a boat") No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow up questions, usually along these lines:

 

WOMAN: Would you get married again?

MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not? Don't you like being married?

MAN: Of course I do.

WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

WOMAN: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)

MAN: (Makes audible groan)

WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

MAN: Where else would we sleep?

WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures and replace them with pictures of her?

MAN: That would seem the proper thing to do.

WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?

MAN: She can't. She's left-handed.

WOMAN: ...silence...

MAN: Sh/t.

 

 

[fifedjdomo]

Mens' five most feared questions:

1. What are you thinking about?

2. Do you love me?

3. Do I look fat?

4. Do you think she is prettier than me?

5. What would you do if I died?

 

 

number 1. nothing to worry about at all

 

number 2. of course you should love your wife, she is the most precious thing to you. if you didnt love her you would never have married. end of.

 

number 3. could get you into trouble

 

number 4. could get you into serious trouble.

 

number 5. well...... depends on the answer.

 

 

Question #5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question. (The real answer of course is "Buy a Ferrari and a boat") No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow up questions, usually along these lines:

 

WOMAN: Would you get married again?

MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not? Don't you like being married?

MAN: Of course I do.

WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

WOMAN: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)

MAN: (Makes audible groan)

WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

MAN: Where else would we sleep?

WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures and replace them with pictures of her?

MAN: That would seem the proper thing to do.

WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?

MAN: She can't. She's left-handed.

WOMAN: ...silence...

MAN: Sh/t.

 

LMAO!