LMAO - CTW Big Brother !

[Signum]

lol kinky's dancers

[Rob D]

Funny stuff!

[TidyTraxGrant]

The names were the first one's that come into my head !!!

 

 

Big Brother!

 

Day 1 - Grant admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of LibbyVanDyke. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Lia is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although FredTheBaddie later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

 

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. CreamyC creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Sophie hits him with a Whisk.

 

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Empire State Building out of Curry. After much persuasion by CreamyC, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

 

4 - Training for the Empire State Building task is well under way. However havoc ensues when FredTheBaddie, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the Curry. Sophie is furious.

 

5 - Today is the day when the Empire State Building task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when FredTheBaddie farts and blows Empire State Building over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. LibbyVanDyke cries.

 

6 - CreamyC gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

 

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, LibbyVanDyke admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a Whisk. Grant says he never wears condoms because they make his Nob sore and CreamyC agrees. Lia goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. FredTheBaddie sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up CreamyC.

 

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Grant goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Sophie and LibbyVanDyke are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Grant.

 

9 - Sophie and LibbyVanDyke are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Lia sings them a song - So Solid Crew - to make them feel better.

 

10 - The public vote LibbyVanDyke out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. LibbyVanDyke leaves.

 

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with LibbyVanDyke's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Lia has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Sophie is visibly depressed and is comforted by CreamyC, who tries to touch her on her Punani.

 

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of CreamyC touching Sophie's Punani over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

 

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that FredTheBaddie refuses to run because his Nob hurts a bit.

 

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. FredTheBaddie finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Sophie calls FredTheBaddie a lazy Nob.

 

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Grant tells everyone individually that he thinks Sophie is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Sophie and CreamyC are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Grant.

 

16 - The nominations are announced. Sophie can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. CreamyC is equally stunned and turns to Sophie for comfort. FredTheBaddie is distraught and confesses to Lia that he thinks he is in love with CreamyC. Lia says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

 

17 - The public vote CreamyC out of the house. Sophie says she is gutted and even gives CreamyC a clipping of hair from her Punani to prove how much she cares. FredTheBaddie is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. CreamyC leaves.

 

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Sophie clipping the hair from her Punani. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

 

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Latvia in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

 

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Latvia sounds like but FredTheBaddie says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Grant as the one who must complete the task.

 

21 - Grant successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Latvia but also God Save The Queen, So Solid Crew and the theme tune to Lads Army. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

 

22 - Nominations are due and Grant tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. FredTheBaddie and Lia are nominated.

 

23 - FredTheBaddie and Lia take their nominations well and sit down with Grant and Sophie to discuss why they voted for them. Grant keeps quiet but Sophie accuses FredTheBaddie of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred Nob before bursting into tears.

 

24 - The public vote Lia out of the house and nobody really gives a [censored]. Lia leaves.

 

25 - Grant becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Grant's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.

 

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Rhino dung using only a Whisk. Grant is unsure but FredTheBaddie is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

 

27 - Completely out of the blue, FredTheBaddie breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Rhino incident from his childhood. Sophie tries to persuade him to stay but Grant sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. FredTheBaddie decides to leave.

 

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Rhino dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Sophie from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

 

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Grant asks Sophie to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Grant nominates Sophie to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Sophie.

 

30 - When the nomination is announced, Sophie graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Grant is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Grant takes his £70,000 and runs away to Latvia. Nobody, including Sophie, ever sees him again.

[Lia]

That was really funny!!!

 

But why was i the lesbian???

[TidyTraxGrant]

it randomises it everytime !!!

[CreamyC]

Oi Oi Fred! I knew it mate, fancy a drink sometime??

[FredTheBaddie]

You cheeky bastard !!

 

1. Even if I wasn't 100% heterosexual, I still wouldn't fancy Creamy.

 

2. Lazy and fat ?! I used to be a personal trainer I'll have you know ! I'm in great shape !

 

Still, at least I made it to the last three !!

 

[ 03 July 2002, 12:51: Message edited by: Fred The Baddie ]

[kinkykell]

hehe i remember doin that like last year when the old big bro was about..u add certain words n stuff n it randomizes like a big bro story..quite funny...