Little Tony

[Guest Jay]

Little Tony

 

LITTLE TONY ON PHILOSOPHY

A young teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a

fence and

you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"

She calls on little TONY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your

thinking."

Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women

sitting

on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides the triple scoop of ice cream.

The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.

The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one

that's

gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the

wedding ring on, but I like your thinking."

 

LITTLE TONY ON MATH

Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father? "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said

'6'",

replies TONY. "But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she

asked me

'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the ****ing difference?" asks the father. "That's what I said!"

 

LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH

Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going

to

learn multi-syllable wor ds, class. Does anybody have an example of a

multi-syllable word?"

TONY says "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."

Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a bl @ wjob."

 

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR

Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed go

to

the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a p 1 ss!!"

The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in

this

situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.

Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow

you

t o go."

Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if

you

had bigger t 1 ts, you'd be a TEN!"

 

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show

of

hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same

sentence

twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father

bought my

mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little

Michael.

"My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beaut ifully."

She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on

little TONY.

Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was

pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just ****ing beautiful!'"

 

LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER

Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after

another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said,

"Son,

you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you

acne,

rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The

man

asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own ****ing business

 

[Guest saffysue]