Fastest thing

[Tony P]

The Fastest Thing:

 

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes, he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them one question and their answer would determine who would get the job.

 

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?" pointing to the man on his right.

 

The first man replied: "A thought. It pops into your head. There's no forewarning that it's on the way, it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

 

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir," he asked the second man.

 

"Hmm... let me see... A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know it ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of."

 

"Excellent!" said the interviewer "The blink of an eye. That's a very popular cliché for speed."

 

He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.

 

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch, when you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light at the barn comes on in an instant. Turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of."

 

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light." he said. Turning to the fourth man, he posed the question.

 

"After hearing the three previous answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is diarrhea" he said.

 

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

 

"Oh I can explain." he said. "You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so well and ran for the bathroom. But, before I could think, blink or turn on the light, I [censored] my pants!"

 

Bonus Joke:

 

John always wanted a twin brother, so he saved up all his money and eventually had enough to be able to fly to a small island off the coast of Brazil and have a tiny, well funded scientific corporation make a clone of his DNA.

 

John took his clone home, but quickly found out that while the clone LOOKED exactly like him, there was something wrong with the clones brain: He simply refused to wear clothes. John quickly grew tired of having a naked clone follow him to the store, and to friends houses, and of always having to bail the clone out of jail after being arrested for indecent exposure. So one day, John took the clone to the top of a very large building, and pushed him off.

 

Naturally, John was arrested and tried for murder. But during the trial, John pleaded to the judge that the killing was warranted: "He kept getting arrested for indecent exposure! He was a mental strain on me!.

 

After much thought, the judge came back with the verdict: The murder was warranted! However, the judge did sentence John to 30 days in jail for making an obscene clone fall.

 

 

[Dave M]

[Tony P]

[Don]

Class. Love the second one.

[Nick G]

Well done that man!

 

I don't care what anyone says about you Bony - your jokes are fantastic.

[Claire DC]

[Tony P]

thanks Nick thanks Claire.

 

yous two are the greatest along with anyone else who likes my jokes

[Evilhedfuk]

Good to see you're back on form Mr P!

 

The second one is a classic!!!!

 

[Claire DC]

thanks Nick thanks Claire.

 

yous two are the greatest along with anyone else who likes my jokes

 

[LiamStyles]

Both are quality!!

2 more additions to the joke memory bank