stupid i know!!

[Littlemissclubbindiva]

 

> >1. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy

> >marijuana, press the hash key..."

> >

> > 2. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for

> > shorts.

> > The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

> >

> > 3. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I

> >couldn't find any.

> >

> > 4. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid

> >that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, No, the

> >steaks, are too high."

> >

> > 5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled

> >him in..

> >

> > 6. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He

> >shouted,

> > "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

> > The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

> >

> >7. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

> >

> > 8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.

> > They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all

> >that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

> >

> > 9. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van

> >covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

> >

> > 10. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his

> >head.

> > Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

> >

> > 11. "Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."

> > "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

> > "Is it common?"

> > "It's not unusual."

> >

> > 12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed,

> >is there anything you can do for him? "

> >"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"

> > So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his

> >teeth.

> > Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."

> > "What? Because he's cross-eyed? "

> > "No, because he's really heavy"

> >

> > 13. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball

> >stuck up my backside."

> >"How's that?"

> >"Don't you start."

> >

> > 14. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

> >

> > 15. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

> >

> >16. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can

> >you give me a lift?"

> > I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for

> >it.'

> >

> > 17. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.

> > There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.

> > It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my

> >younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

> >

> > 18. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."

> > The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"

> >

> > 19. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery

> >acid, the other was eating fireworks.

> >They charged one and let the other one off.

> >

> > 20. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving

> >today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking

> >Fine.' So that was nice."

> >

> > 21. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in

> > several places"

> >The doctor said, "Well don't go there any more"

> >

> > 22. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when

> >a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.

> > Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far

> >and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

> >

 

 

[Evilhedfuk]

[LanaM]

lol! I like these! Ive got a pathetic sense of humour

 

[Clubbing Si]

Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom

 

[Daydreamer]

5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in..

 

 

These are Tony P style!

 

[Claire DC]

hahaha