Breaking up is hard to do...

[Dakers]

..but I think it needs to be done in my case.

 

What I need to know though is how to make it as painless for her? She's thousands of miles away and not going to be back until at least the end of January, and I don't want to drag things on until then.

As this is my first ever relationship I don't know how I can minimise the hurt for her. I still care for her, and it's not as if I want to hurt her, but she's going to have no idea this is coming. When I've tried to bring the idea up in a roundabout way in emails before, she's always turned it into a huge guilt trip for me, thus putting me back to square one and having to think if I really want to do this.

 

Anyone got any suggestions?

[Claire DC]

tell her straight, itll hurt her maybe (she might be glad to get rid of ya tho lol jk) but goin on what id want, id say best thing is just to tell her and do it soon cos the longer its dragged out the harder it gets!! Just be straight forward bout it, no bullshit excuses just the real reason u wana break it off and if u can salvage a friendship out of that then great if not, make a clean break cos things'll only get messy if u dont!!

[Claire DC]

Its all so simple for me to give advice to people but i dont see things that logically for myself, how [censored] is that!!

[SarahPVC]

Its always easier to sort other people's lives out!

Claire is right, its much better to be straight & honest. Although the person will be hurt at least things will be clear in their mind. Theres nothing worse than someone hurting you AND not being honest about why, it just causes more problems and less chance of a friendship to be salvaged.

[Bunnykins]

only just read this after reading ur other post - crumbs - soz i prob scared ya what i said about my x - really tho do u ring her as well as email her ? it's hard to say what ways best - I've been dumped by email - i'd say that's the best way really as u can work out exactly what u want to say w/out anything going wrong if u know what i mean, but u should tell her - it's even worse 4 her to get her hopes up and look forwrd to coming back and then u telling her, maybe suggest a temporary split and say ur'll c how things r when she gets back - that gives her the opprotunity to meet someone else to without feeling completely dumped, but if u really don't think there's any hope then guess it's best to do it the hard way and jsut tell her u wanna be friends

[Dakers]

its worse in that she can only ring me.. she's moving around all the time, so it's upto me to be ready for a phone call from her at any time... it was 4:30am the other morning.

 

It's made worse by the fact that when I was a little less than enthusiastic to hear from her (it was mid-morning on a monday at work) she rang me up later in tears demanding to know what was wrong!

 

I can't win!

[alasdairm]

quote:

---

how I can minimise the hurt for her.

---

dakers

 

i feel for you as i've been on both ends of a dumping in the recent past. if you are absolutely sure that this is what you want, you can minimise the hurt for her by telling her the truth and telling her as soon as possible.

 

i know there's a temptation to try to minimise the hurt by second-guessing how she's going to feel about this, and the way you go about it. that's normally when the trouble starts.

 

at the end of the day breaking up is going to be hard on both of you - there is no avoiding that. it sucks and sometimes sounds hard to say it but it's (normally) the truth.

 

quote:

---

I can't win

---

well, it's not a competition - at the end of the day, when breaking up both people seem to lose. however, if you are doing what's right for you, then you are also doing what's right for her (although she may have trouble seeing it like that at the time) and you both 'win' in the long run.

 

a bit of doublethink required here but, while i think you'll get a lot of good advice from lots of cool people here, i think you have to listen to that little voice inside which is never wrong, know that this is what you want to do, and do it.

 

whatever happens, i hope that you both get through it.

 

alasdair

 

[ 21 July 2002, 23:01: Message edited by: alasdairm ]

[Belle]

 

No question that you'll both get thru it. Just make sure you learn a thing or two from these experiences!

 

Just remember to be clear in your mind that this is what you want to do.

 

And, if you're worried about her feelings, when it's done, tell her to call you when she gets back into town so you guys can have a beer or whatever. This way, she won't feel like you totally rejected her . (Chances are, she'll be over you and she won't call anyways)

 

Good luck!

[CreamyC]

Whats the point in relationships anyway, they only cause potential [censored] and grief! It affects you for ages, makes you constantly pissed off so why bother?!?!

[CreamyC]

Most probably coz I say that everytime, dont stop me though, I still do it!!

 

I only want a non-grief relationship for [censored] sake, is it really yhat hard!!

[scouseladuk]

find a woman who:

 

a) likes football

doesnt nag

c) is a nympho

d) doesnt play mind games (most important!)

e) wont [censored] u about

f) doesnt mind u having female mates

[CreamyC]

quote:

---

Originally posted by scouseladuk:

 

find a woman who:

 

a) likes football

doesnt nag

c) is a nympho

d) doesnt play mind games (most important!)

e) wont [censored] u about

f) doesnt mind u having female mates

---

a) likes football ---> SPOT ON

doesnt nag ---> SPOT ON

c) is a nympho ---> SPOT ON

d) doesnt play mind games (most important!) ---> SPOT ON

e) wont [censored] u about ---> SPOT ON

f) doesnt mind u having female mates ---> SPOT ON

 

added:

 

g) has own mates and social life

 

People ask why I'm single, read the reasons above!

[Lia]

your both dreaming! If theres no such man out there like that, then im afraid there no such women!

[CreamyC]

Then I'll remain single!

[scouseladuk]

yeah i found that out after 5 years of relationships then figured either theres one of two avenues i can take - become a slut or become celobate. im currently deciding on the best option.

 

Also taking into consideration: Becoming a male gigalo