Funny

[TidyTraxGrant]

>Why we love children....

> > >> >

> > >> >

> > >> > A Kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She

> > >>asked him if

> > >> > it was dead or alive.

> > >> > "Dead." She was informed.

> > >> > "How do you know?" she asked her pupil.

> > >> > "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the

> > >>child

> > >> > innocently.

> > >> > "You did WHAT?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

> > >> > "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!'

> > >>and it

> > >> > didn't move."

> > >> >

> > >> > ________________________________________________

> > >> >

> > >> > A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes

> > >>later....

> > >> > "Da-ad...."

> > >> > "What?

> > >> > "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"

> > >> > "No. You had your chance. Lights out."

> > >> > Five minutes later:

> > >> > "Da-aaaad....."

> > >> > "WHAT?"

> > >> > "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"

> > >> > "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"

> > >> > Five minutes later......

> > >> > "Daaaa-aaaad....."

> > >> > "WHAT!"

> > >> > "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

> > >> >

> > >> > ________________________________________________

> > >> >

> > >> > An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into

> > >>mischief, finally

> > >> > asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

> > >> > The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and

> > >>in and

> > >> > out and keep slamming the door until St.

> > >> > Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

> > >> >

> > >> > _________________________________________________

> > >> >

> > >> >

> > >> > One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was

> > >>tucking her

> > >> > son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked

> > >>with a

> > >> > tremor in his voice, "Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

> > >> > The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear,"

> > >>she said.

> > >> > "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken

> > >>at last by

> > >> > his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

> > >> >

> > >> > _________________________________________________

> > >> >

> > >> > It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the

> > >>children's

> > >> > sermon. All the children were

> > >> > invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a

> > >>particularly

> > >> > pretty dress and,as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and

> > >>said, "That

> > >> > is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little

> > >>girl

> > >> > replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes,

> > >>and my Mum

> > >> > says it's a bitch to iron."

> > >> >

> > >> > ________________________________________________

> > >> >

> > >> > When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three

> > >>year old came

> > >> > into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the

> > >>shower. She

> > >> > said,"Mummy, you are getting fat!"

> > >> > I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her

> > >>tummy."

> > >> > "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"

> > >> >

> > >> > _________________________________________________

> > >> >

> > >> > One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken

> > >>Little to

> > >> > her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken

> > >>Little tried to

> > >> > warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up

> > >>to the

> > >> > farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The

> > >>teacher

> > >> > paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer

> > >>said?"

> > >> > One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said:

> > >>'Holy S*&t! A

> > >> > talking chicken!'"