Monkey Assistants - what skills do they need?

[Wub Wub]

I've got a load of monkey assistants on order, specifically to help those of you stuck at w.ork.

 

Who wants one, and what special skills should they have.?

 

 

The workshop I was in last summer, the guys wanted one that could run about and grab screwdrivers when needed, and could also make a decent cup of tea.

[MItz]

Oh me me me...I want one!

 

The monkey needs to be able to sit in front of a computer all day...looking very very board then occasionly suggesting that they should go and get a bottle of wine and trying to think of a reason to celebrate!

[Wub Wub]

A monkey that could mix a decent Tequila and orange! Quality!

 

Or a monkey that could do the whole "Ten of you, one of me, I make that Pimms o'clock" thing would be a nice change.

 

Could refresh everyone in the office at once.

[Beckie in La La Land]

did you ever spank your monkey?

[Wub Wub]

Only if he'd done something wrong

 

 

Or I was having trouble sleeping

[Lia]

Me Me Me!!

 

Can you make it sweet talk my boss into giving me a pay rise!! and have more days off!

 

That would be great!

 

 

[matthew james]

So long as it can do my job in a fairly respectable manner, and not [censored]/piss all over my desk, then thats it.

 

Oh, it should be able to pull a good pint of Red Stripe too.

 

And roll a nice spliff.

 

And drive me too/from my nights out.

 

And not laugh at me when I can't remember what I was trying say.

 

And cook me dinner.

 

Not too much to ask I don't think.

 

 

[TidyTraxGrant]

Ill pay you treble if you can train me one to knock fcuk outta my boss and any other old cun* in the offices who pisses me off ?

 

Cheers

[Wub Wub]

So long as it can do my job in a fairly respectable manner, and not [censored]/piss all over my desk, then thats it.

 

Oh, it should be able to pull a good pint of Red Stripe too.

 

And roll a nice spliff.

 

And drive me too/from my nights out.

 

And not laugh at me when I can't remember what I was trying say.

 

And cook me dinner.

 

Not too much to ask I don't think.

 

 

That's not a monkey you want matt, talk to your girlfriend

[matthew james]

true comment wub

 

she can do all them things too.

 

god!!!! better not tell her that shes on the verge of being replaced by a monkey.

 

m.

[Wub Wub]

hehehe.....she might try even harder then

 

 

Or leave you. On second thoughts, best not to mention it.

[Pepsi]

Can I have a monkey that skins up2? At the mo I rely on my bf but he talks to much so a monkey would be better.

[Beckie in La La Land]

lol @ pepsi

 

well said!!!