Things Women need to Know About Men ...

[James]

Things Women need to Know About Men ...

 

When watching TV, hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during time-outs and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period, as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.

 

When I say thank you after a blow job, a simple you're welcome' will suffice. I'm not interested in kissing you.

 

If I'm doing anything that involves directions, tools or sharp objects don't interrupt me and never offer to help.

 

When we're watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial, don't hassle me to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when we're channel surfing, don't ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.

 

Don't be upset that I didn't think the romantic movie was warm and fuzzy. I wasn't paying attention to the dialog, just the naked body parts and the sex scenes.

 

Don't ask me to do household chores in front of my friends, even if I don't have to do them until some time in the future. And don't be negative when you give me more than one to do. I'm proud of the fact that I did one and can easily ignore the other nine.

 

If you need help with the laundry I'm more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind, this is half the chore and I'm now free to return to the couch.

 

The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.

 

If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do something, it's not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.

 

If you don't like the way I'm driving close your eyes. I would appreciate it, if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything yet and if I do.... it will be your fault.

 

Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.

 

When I say she has a great set of tits or ass, I'm not thinking to myself "...as compared to yours...," so there is no point in starting an argument over it. I don't start with you over Brad Pitt or one of those other empty headed losers.

 

Buying tools is a God-given right. It doesn't matter if we need them or not. The same holds true for sporting goods.

 

I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.

 

Just tell me what you want me to ear before I get dressed. And remember this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the occasion is. After all, I'm getting dressed.... not getting ready.

 

Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another, or if a certain accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no win situation' and would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.

 

If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished, then you should leave the seat up when you're finished. It's only fair. Stop giving me a hard time about missing the bowl.

What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.

 

Please don't distract me when I'm reading in the bathroom. It only causes me to lose my place, have to re-read the section, and further extends my time in there.

 

Assume when we're in the video store, that I'm not interested in a romantic comedy. This will greatly expedite our time there.

 

Alcohol is one of the four food groups, and as such, should be consumed daily.

 

No good can ever come from discussing past relationships.

 

I will cook anything, as long as it's on the BBQ.

 

Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me. I'm not ignoring you.