more becks jokes

[pete_n]

 

 

Posh and Becks are sitting in front of the television watching the six

> > o'clock news. The main story is a man threatening to jump off the

> > Clifton Suspension Bridge on to the busy road below.? Posh turns to

> > Becks and says:

> > "David, I bet you $5,000 that he jumps!" to which Beckham replies

> > "$5,000? Done! I bet that he doesn't." So they shake hands on the bet

> > and continue watching.

> >

> > Sure enough, the man jumps and hits the road below with a loud thud.

> > Beckham takes $5,000 out of his back pocket and hands it to Posh. But

> > she refuses. "I can't take your money, David," she says. "The truth is,

> > I was cheating. I saw the five o'clock news, so I knew he was going to

> > jump." "No, babe, fair's fair" says David. "That money is yours fair and

> > square I was cheating just as you were. I saw the five o'clock news,

> > too. I just didn't think he would do it again."

> > _______________

> >

>

> > _______________

> >

> >

> > David Beckham had a near-death experience the other day when he went

> > riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bucking up and

> > down out of control. He tried with all his might to hang on but it was

> > no good. With his foot caught in the stirrup, he fell head-first to the

> > ground.His head continued to bump on the ground as the horse refused to

> > stop or even slow down.

> >

> > Fortunately, however, there was a happy ending. Just as he was giving up

> > hope and losing consciousness, the Woolworth's' manager came along and

> > unplugged it.

> > ________________

> >

> > Posh takes her car into a garage to have some dents removed. The

> > mechanic

> > knowing she isn't the brightest Spice Girl in the world decides to play

> > a joke on her. "You don't need me to take those dents out," he says.

> > "Just blow up the exhaust pipe and the metal will pop back into place".

> > So she takes the car home and tries it.

> >

> > David spots her from the house, opens a window and shouts "Victoria !

> > You have to wind the windows up first!"

> > ________________

> >

> > David Beckham is celebrating: "57 days, 57 days!" he shouts happily.

> >

> > Posh asks him why he is celebrating. He answers: "Well, I've done this

> > jigsaw in only 57 days."

> >

> > "Is that good?" asks Posh.

> >

> > "You bet," says David. "It says 3 to 5 years on the box."

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > >David and Victoria Beckham were on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

> Posh

> > >wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was very reluctant to pay

> the high

> > >prices the local vendors were asking. after becoming very frustrated with

> the

> > >'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, David shouted:

> > >

> > >"Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of

> shoes

> > >at a reasonable price..."

> > >

> > >The shopkeeper said, 'by all means, be my guest. maybe you'll get lucky

> and

> > >catch yourself big one...'

> > >

> > >Determined, David and Posh turned and headed for the swamps, set on

> catching an

> > >alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he

> spots

> > >Beckham standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he

> sees a

> > >huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward the England international.

> Beckham

> > >takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on

> to the

> > >swamp bank. lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. the

> shopkeeper

> > >watches in amazement.

> > >

> > >Just then Becks flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts

> out

> > >

> > >"Bo*l*x, this one isn't wearing any shoes either....."