some real crackers!!

[nice1bruva]

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her to

arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

 

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in

the craft it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your

kayak and heat it.

 

Two boll weevils grew up in Cornwall. One went to Hollywood and became

a famous actor. The other stayed behind, drove a tractor and never

amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser

 

of two weevils.

 

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up

to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

 

Getting worse.....

 

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in

the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an

 

hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"but why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because" he said, "I can't

stand

chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

 

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in

ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would

win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

 

Big finale......

 

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to

 

a

family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in

Spain, they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of

himself

to his Mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she

 

wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But

they

are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."