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Ok, my parents havnt been getting on the last couple of months. Not arguing at all, but just not speaking. Sitting in an atmosphere of silence. Im the only one living at home with my parents my brothers and sister have moved out and have their own lives with their loved ones. So im here at home puting a fake happy atmosphere in the house. Which, is not fair on myself. The thing i am happy about is there never is an arguemnt between them. Just the silence is what pisses me off. I get on with them both very well. My dad works away at the moment, but is home on weekends as its to expensive to travel home each night of the week back and forth [censored]. The reason they are not getting on these last couple of months is coz my dad had an affair with my mums BEST friend who used to live right opposite us a few years ago. My mum forgave him (altho i think that is just so show the woman he messed with, that she hasnt got one up on my mum) and they have been strong for years since it happened. The last couple of months, my mum has told me, its sumthing u CAN forgive, but cannot forget. Very true. But alot of other ppl [censored] it out between them, some dont, i guess. They have talked about this between them, and i have overheard conversations. My mum doesnt want to be with him anymore, plain and simple. Altho my dad has tried to make it [censored] but all she has done is thrown it back in his face. Then i feel sorry for my dad. But i know what he did was wrong and i wouldn't like it done to me, and im sure u lot wouldnt like it done to you either. Now, the thing is, i know more of what is going on here than my sister and 2 brothers do. I keep all private bisness to myself, but i feel they should know that they really are not getting on. But i dont want to tell them. Im dealing with it all. And am taking it very well i think. Altho i dont let it interfear with my job, in some cases. But sum other times it bothers me terribly. Simple reason is, i see my whole life flashing in front of me begining....on my own. They are obviously going to have to have a divorce, which is sumthing, i can handle, as i am a strong person when i wana be. But if the worst comes to worse, i have decided. That im finally guna move out, and not live with either of them. No matter how close i am to my loving parents, i couldnt stand the thought of either one of them thinking i am favouring one by movng in with one. I dont believe in that, i think it is selfish. But there comes a time, when living at home with yr parents comes to a halt, and u start to live a life of yr own, in the big bad world and experiencing life for yrself. Which is sumthing im a bit afraid of as i dont know the first thing about moving home. And it will be far away from where I am living now, as that is what i want, and it is what I have wanted for a long time anyway. Now my dad has been out of the house all day today. i thought he might be up the pub with his brother, catching up, as he always does at weekends. I text him today, asking him where he was. As sumthing triggered off my suspiscions about sumthing last night. Which left me on a downer for the night. But i was ok. His fone was off, and i just got a reply saying "im safe, im sumwhere, where i want to be, i love you. c u tomorrow. Dad xx". So i was just blunt and said "Ok, whatever, night". Now i dont know what to think to this, but all i feel at the moment, is SICK. Silly thoughts going round my head that he is with another woman. Its a thought that i really do not want circeling in my head at the moment. Because i love them so much. And i dont expect things like this to happen to MY parents. I thought they would always be happy! My mum is sitting downstairs watching tv. There is [censored] all i can say to her. Apart from, i duyno where he is. Coz i dont! If he has found sumone else, i guess its sumthing i gota deal with. All i want for my parents and other ppl in this world is to be happy. But im not sure how to take all this in.

I feel like crying, but i wont. If things are not meant to be, then I guess, they rnt! But i know im guna be happy in the long run, because everyone does things for themselves to TO BE HAPPY. And thats how i like things to be.

 

Has anyone been thru anything like this? Hoe did you deal with it?

 

smile.gif

 

xXx

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Been there but i was one of the parents ! I get on better with the ex now than i did then when i was living there . My kids live with her ( & her now husband ( she was the one having an affair)) . My kids didn't like it that we split up but they agree that it was better they lived in a happier atmosphere . They come to stay at mine whenever they want and it causes no anamosity between me & the ex . We did not make them choose who they lived with cos i left the home & set up on my own ( the first thing i got was beds for everyone , it was like camping for them ) .

I think what I'm trying to say is that its not always a bad thing .

Hope it turns out OK for you

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STILL ALIVE !!
Act like an adult . . . Be false !
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Well, my dad has just got home. Now b4 i came home, i had a heart to heart with my mum. Which, I was always afraid to do. Coz I think she would be upset. Now I said to her, how would you feel if he found sum1 else (i didnt tell her about the text) and she said she would be happy. I told her, im only asking u this, coz i wana know what you want. The last thing i want, is to see u upset if he has found sum1 else. And she said, its not nice for me, the times i come home, wishing yr dad was not here, and then i see his [censored] van parked outside. Ok i thought. Fairy nuff. I asked, if you said, ok, lets start the divorce proceedings and he said YES straight away, would u be upset if he said yes straight away? Would u think "omg yr sposed to say no?" ould it hurt and upset you? she said no. To be honest, that is a MASSIVE weight lifted of my shoulders. She has told me she will be the most happiest person if he found sum1 eslse and she wouldnt think bad off him. Now he just came home, and i was in the kitchen, and she walked passed me and said "he has found sum1 else". Ah well, I guess its what he wants. If it makes my parents happy, then im happy. ALTHO i still feel a bit down in the dumps, because sum1 else has got my dad frown.gif :'( If it makes them happy and that is what they both want then i guess i should just be happy for them But they will always have me, no matter how far away from them i will be when i make the move of moving home in the future. Altho my gut is still turning at the moment to think my dad was in bed with sum1 else last night. Coz i can still see the happy tyimes my parents had together. I love them both scincerely, and this is where i think to myself, even tho, i have never done it, but cheating on sum1 really is NOT worth it.

 

Il just love them for the right desicions they make between them selves.

 

grouphug.giffrown.gif

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If your siblings are older or around your age, I think you should talk to them.

 

I have 6 siblings and my parents are divorced.

 

I was young when they divorced, but there are still times I want to see everyone together and happy.

 

Truth is though, they were probably no better off together. Sort of like your parents.

 

Sounds like they might of stuck together with you children until you were old enough to 'handle' a divorce.

 

I have to say though, it's okay to be sad, but make sure this doesn't scar you. That's why you need your siblings. Because they should be sharing your pain (I know that's a cliche, but it's true!!!)

 

I'm not sure if I'm ever going to get married after what's gone on with my parents over the years (after their divorce, they just HATE eachother!!)

 

Good luck anon ;) and as I said, TALK TO YOUR SIBLINGS!!!!

 

Belle aka Tina

 

ps - i'm not on often, but if you want to mail me use tinaf65@hotmail.com

I am NOT a dj

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hey t

 

long time no...

 

how's tricks?

 

alasdair

"I've got medication, honey. I've got wings to fly", Primal Scream:Jailbird msn: alasdairmanson@hotmail.com yahoo IM: alimanson@yahoo.com AOL IM: alimanson23@aol.com email: ali_manson@yahoo.com homepage: http://www.magicglasses.com

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Thanks for that.

 

Crunch came to crunch tonight. I think my dad was a little to frightened to speak to me tonight. I was up here in my room on the pc and my mum had just left to go to [censored] a night shift in the hospital. I was a bit wiery of going down to see him coz im my dads little girl in his eyes, and i think he was very afraid that i wouldnt accept it. I have NEVER had a serious chat to my dad about things. We are close in our own way which is, pretty wikid. We bond in a way that no1 can see. My dad is my dad and im the apple in his eye so to speak. (Im 21 btw lol) Went down earlier and he just smiled and said "alright". I could see that he was afraid bless him frown.gif

 

Anyway, he asked if my mum had had a achat with me about it all and i said "Yes, im really ok with it". I could see the tears in his eyes when he said "are you sure?" frown.gif I love my dad so much i just dont wana see him get hurt. He asked me if i wanted to meet her, and i said, in time, yes., But not right now as you and mum are my main concerns at the moment. So he showed me a picture of her. I couldnt feel anything but hate for this woman at this time! But then i thought, i dont know her, she is probably the nicest woman ever, but never as nice as my mum will ever be. But i told him that i will always accept anything he decides, as all i want is for him to be happy and he will never ever lose me, or any of the rest of us, which he has not told yet. Divorce proceedings will need to take effect sumtime soon, and my dad said that my mum doesnt want one now, she wants a seperation. So im guna have to talk to my mum about it tomorrow and tell her that it will be the right desicion for both parties for a divorce to happen.

 

eeek im going on, but i just wana get it outa my system.

 

Things will just get better i guess.

 

grouphug.gif

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Just my twopence...

 

She has told me she will be the most happiest person if he found sum1 eslse and she wouldnt think bad off him.

 

This may or may not be true. I think a lot of people say this after splitting up, but deep down, though they might not admit it, they would be very hurt!

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Hi, i dont know if this will be any help but i thought id better write anyway!

The same thing happened to me and my parents a couple of years ago. They never argued or shouted at each other or anything, which i suppose is better than trying to live in a war zone, but i think the silence can be just as hard to bear.

 

At the time, i never really got upset and everyone thought how well i coped with it. I think you are being incredibly mature and brave, and really unselfish about the whole thing. For me, it took a while to sink in and i was sometimes a pain in the ass, cos i didnt know how to react to the situation. I know you want your mum and dad to be happy, but remember that they want your happiness too- and its ok if you get upset, or angry or whatever- they are probably expecting it, and you may feel a lot better.

 

I had the exact same prob as you also with regards to where to live after the split. I couldnt decide and spent a few months going back and forth, which didnt do me any good. Then i decided to move away and live with neither of them. Of course we are all different, and i know that the situation maybe a lot different for you, but from my experience i would advise you not to move out on your own just yet. The thing for me was that, coping with the stress of moving out, living alone and living without parents all for the first time was much harder than i thought it would be. Trying to deal with the pain of divorce at the same time is so hard-even though i didnt think the divorce bothered me.(but deep down it did) I know you dont want to show favouritism, but i think if you do choose to live with one or the other, then they will understand. Also, i know your mum said she will be happy, but perhaps it would be easier for her if you stayed with her. Remember that she is going from living with a husband and kids to nothing. Will she be able to live on her own? Maybe thats not a problem, i dunno, its just worth considering.

Also, perhaps its a bit soon for you to meet your Dads new partner. I think you need to take it one step at a time, and meet her only when YOU'RE ready. It was my mum who met someone else, and i waited a couple of months till meeting him. I decided i was going to hate him and be a right bitch (i was still a teenager at the time!) but when i met him he was so nice, and now we get on really well. This isnt always the case like, my Dads new girlfriend is ok, but im not overly keen. It depends on the person i guess. But the main thing is that this person will be trying really hard for you to accept them, so the pressures on you not them.

 

The main thing i want to say is that it only gets easier, and you wouldnt believe how much happier things can be. At the moment its hard to see how things can be better, but trust me, everyone is happy in the long run. Even though my parents never argued, now they are both so happy, they're like new people! At the end of the day im happy as long as they are. My parents are still good friends, which will probably happen to yours cos the situation sounds similar.

 

I hope everything goes ok for you, im sure it will. Just remeber...light at the end of the tunnel and all that...its true!

xxx

ps...sorry if what ive said isnt of any use!

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Hi - thanks for that. Means alot to me. X

 

But yes, im copeing quite well with it all. Im very close to both, but its just a shock, as im sure u once thought "things like this dont happen to MY parents." But i guess its part of life. Mistakes happen.

 

I know my mother inside out. She is my best friend aswell as my mother. I know this is what she wants. She didnt want him 10 years ago. She said that the love was just not there anymore. But iv had a good talk with my mum about it all. She knows how i feel about it and so does my dad. I know my mum will cope. Its just a it of a shock to her at the moment that he IS with sum1 else and we both asked eachother how we both feel about it. My mum just feels a bit shocked, but has said, all i want really is the best for him anyway. She has got us all and so has my dad. I know my mum will be fine soon enough. Im just worrying for my dad now. I dont want this woman to hurt him. My dad is like me, to nice for his own good, and being that i dont know her, i dont want him being pressurised in anything she may want him to do or anything. But i have said to him, "i hope it all works out for u. But just make sure u know enough about her so u can trust her and she doesnt end up taking you for everything you got". Im just guna look out for him as he does for me.

 

None of them will lose any of us over this. We are still a family smile.gif Always will be smile.gif

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Alasdair...I'm good thanx - you? Married yet? luvu.gif

 

Anon, things can only get better. It sounds like the worst is over and things are getting out in the open. Have you talked to your siblings?

I am NOT a dj

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Nope. My sis knows about it. (im the youngest anyway). Mum has already told her last night. As far as i know, she is pretty ok about it too, but is with my mum all the way, but wont diss my dad either. Just meaning she will stick by my mum to keep her chin up when needed. Its just my brothers. Aged 23, and 28. The oldest one is not guna take it very well. But, at the end of the day, he is guna have to accept, that he should want our dad to be happy, rather than be in an unhappy relationship with mum.

 

Had another heart to heart with mum today. She isnt shocked of the fact that he has found sum1, she is just shocked at the fact of her thinking he is hving sex with sum1 else. Which is totally understandable. Makes her feel sick aswell as I! But i can see her slowly getting stronger.

 

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