serious issues Honesty

[Lisa]

Mrs_Baddie said:

Why don't you just spit out what you're trying to say?

 

 

we all had better duck then!!!

[James]

I used to be waaaay too over-trusting. I was brought up in an environment where EVERYONE around me could be trusted. As soon as I got out into the 'real world' I defaulted to trusting everyone. This was a bad mistake and 'most' people I have met and trusted have turned out to be a disappointment I then went through a patch of default to not trusting until someone 'earned' my trust - this idea came from a few friends but I have recently realised that this too is a load of bullshit. You DO need to entrust people and test people otherwise you wont get anywhere in life.

 

Due to the enormous number of people I've now met off this board and in working life I believe I am now a much better judge of character and can 'read' people with a fair amout of accuracy and realise what types of things I can trust people with (some can be trusted to do some tasks but totally un-trustworthy to do others). I am very careful now with who I get to do what / who I tell certain things to but I'm also very careful that I dont come across as some tight moody bastard who doesnt trust anyone and never does anything for anyone.

 

Basic principles like these should be taught at school IMO !

[Guest]

Right here goes......

 

My (so called) best mate keeps lying to me all the time, like I'll ring him up ask him if he fancy's goin to the pub and he'll say something like, "cant tonight, off to the gym" or "having a quiet one tonight". this really pisses me off

 

1 - I drive to the end of my road and see his Girlfriend there

2 - I go to the pub anyway and see him in there, obviously he thinks I won't bother goin to the pub

3 - Why cant he just be honest with me

4 - I'll ring him, to see if he's coming out, "nah, stayin in with the missus" then he ends up out with her

 

I know this isn't exactly what Kev's on about but it fucks me off! I realise that it's upto him what he does but I cannot understand why he keeps blatantly lying. He's only been with his bird for 5 months, but he's totally into her more than she's into him, I cant understand why someone would start cutting off all his mates (yup, not just me!) cos he's got a new bird

 

With me what you see is what you get, there's no point in lying to people i reckon, most of the time with people on the net you dont know if they are lying or not

 

D

[James]

Kev,

 

I think you need to just to learn to ignore certain people and not let them wind you up.

 

I wouldnt say that if someone lies to you once you shouldnt speak to them again - people need a couple of chances, especially if they havent worked out your character either yet. But if someone constantly lies and/or lies on very sensitive issues then you just need to ignore / stay away from them. Letting people get to you is NOT healthy.

 

There are a [censored] load of other people out there who CAN be trusted and who dont lie - I would use your time working on those relationships.

[Aleksandra]

Creamy,

 

Here's an honest comment from a stranger!

 

Your post sounds like an expression of your frustration at something that's happened, obviously I don't know you so I wouldn't know what. But if I may make one point: you won't actually get a proper answer to your question.

 

People who are not honest, basically the 'bad guys' from your story, are hardly going to come forward and say: Well, personally, when I'm two-faced I do it for such and such reasons. If they do come forward in a post like this, they'll probably stay true to form and be dishonest in their comments! Do you agree?

 

So unfortunately you're left with comments of well meaning people who can only make a guess (and how do you make the difference between the two, anyway?). But let me try too

 

- for example, people can be dishonest because they're weak and don't want confrontation

- sometimes, because their own perception of reality differs from yours and they don't even realise that they're "lying" - they think they're saying the truth but your truth and someone else's truth don't have to be the same; I've seen that one lots of times

- sometimes, because by being too hasty they make an initial mistake and afterwards don't know how to correct it, so it turns into a long-term lie

- some people are extremely superficial and just don't understand other people's preoccupation with what to them seems like unnecessary detail; so, they might think their version of truth is approximate enough

- sometimes there are genuine misunderstandings

- and finally, some people just are nasty liers, and that particularly goes for deliberate, premeditated, malicious gossip.

 

But as I said above this is just me guessing. A more personal answer would be, whenever I've lied in my life it was usally out of fear of consequences if I told the truth. Now that I'm mature enough to stand up for myself I never have to do that anymore.

[Blink]

Whoever says honesty is the best policy is lying to themselves as well as everyone else.

 

If you are a recreational drug user do you

a) admit it to your parents/siblings etc

b)Phone in work, and instead of saying you are sick, say "Sorry boss, I really caned it at the weekend, I did 18 pills, 3g speed, 1/2g coke, 4 lines of Ket and then I overdid the valium to get me to sleep and now I feel [censored]?

 

When you get pulled over by the Police doing 100mph, and the police man says "Do you know what speed you were doing?" do you reply

 

a) Officer I was doing 103mph, and I am well aware of it

I was doing about 80, wasn't I?

 

Did you buy alcohol/go clubbing whilst under-age? Did you admit you were underage?

 

We all lie to protect ourselves or to protect other people, or just because it makes life less complicated....even up to using corny chat-up lines like "Have we met before?" it just makes life easier.

 

Having said that, I try to be as honest as possible, and I expect the same from my friends. I am very trusting.

 

If a friend lies to me about not wanting to go out by saying they don't feel like it, when what they mean is "I wanna stay in with the other half" who cares, it hasn't hurt anyone. If they say that cos they are all going on a mad night out and don't want me along, then why am I friends with them in the first place, or what have I done to upset them?

 

/Rant over/

[Maria]

Do people actually believe in being honest?

Yes.

Do you think if someone tells you something you automatically trust / believe them?

Im the type of person not to judge someone, especially if I don;t personally know them. Im the type of person that's "what you see, is what you get". Im an honest person and when I tell someone something, I expect them to believe me. I don't lie, and im not a dishonest person. I don't thrive off being dishonest, and I don't thrive off lieing. I thrive off being the natural person I am in being loyal and honest. Why lie ? Who are you trying to impress? It's not big, it's not clever, and it's not impresseive. Being a bullshitter and a lier, longterm, makes you a hated person.

How wrong is it when someone you trust tells you something only for then to have doubts about what this person has said.

Then you obviously don;t trust tha tperson if yo uhave doubts.

How wrong is it when you then find out this person has been doing it only to benefit themselves

Well then, if someone did that to me, then personally, I would wash my hands off them. Why? Because they have made a prick out of ME.

Its even worse when this person has said something to you about what someone else has 'allegedly' said about you. Why does this happen, can some tell me why someone would deliberately make up bullshit?

Hang on, there is only one answer for that, either that the bullshitter is an attention seeker, or, the bullshitter is tryng to cause friction between the 2 ppl.

Can someone also tell me why when you believe someone and what they have told you they are then speaking to someone else and saying something completely different?

Read above.

 

I trust ppl to easily, simple reason for this is, I class myself as a very trusting person. I liek to be treated the way I treat ppl. Wih a bit of decency. I cant help being the person I am, but if ppl abuse my trust, then those ppl really are not worth knowing in my books.

[CreamyC]

Thanks Claire,

 

I'm also talking about people that know little about someone but seem to want to give their 'opinion' when in all honesty they dont know half, I am sick of the people that one minute say something then the next something totally different to someone else.. For [censored] sake, have an opinion and stick to it regardless of who dont like what you are saying, tough [censored] at the end of the day.

[Maria]

The world isn't perfect, and ppl are not perfect (apart form me of course). Unfortunatly, the world doesnt work they way we want it to. [censored] happens. Ppl are cunts.

 

 

[CreamyC]

Sorry, I dont accept that comment, what total crap. Put up with what ?

 

By the way, thanks Maria.

[Maria]

CreamyC said:

Sorry, I dont accept that comment, what total crap. Put up with what ?

 

By the way, thanks Maria.

 

Its a FACT Kev. It's not sumthing Im happy with either.

 

You dont have to put up with it, no. Confront the said issues if that's the case. If sum1 makes you look like a cunt, then pay them that respect back and confront them of their lies.

 

Simple as.

 

Yeh the world is a nasty place when it wants to be, ppl will be vindictive, ppl will be bullshitters and rip friendships apart etc..i feel just as strongly on this subject as yourself, Kev. But I ugess you learn from experience and watch what you tell ppl and learn not to trust ppl so easily.

[Capn Jack]

Blink sums it up well.

[CreamyC]

Maria said:

CreamyC said:

Sorry, I dont accept that comment, what total crap. Put up with what ?

 

By the way, thanks Maria.

 

Its a FACT Kev. It's not sumthing Im happy with either.

 

You dont have to put up with it, no. Confront the said issues if that's the case. If sum1 makes you look like a cunt, then pay them that respect back and confront them of their lies.

 

Simple as.

 

Yeh the world is a nasty place when it wants to be, ppl will be vindictive, ppl will be bullshitters and rip friendships apart etc..i feel just as strongly on this subject as yourself, Kev. But I ugess you learn from experience and watch what you tell ppl and learn not to trust ppl so easily.

 

Instead you'll just let everyone [censored] on you. Oh well, dont go crying then.

[Maria]

Maria said:

 

 

You dont have to put up with it, no. Confront the said issues if that's the case. If sum1 makes you look like a cunt, then pay them that respect back and confront them of their lies.

 

 

[Capn Jack]

So what has, if anything, happened then Creamy? Who's been dishonest to you?