Essex Girl Jokes

[James]

An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places the garment on the counter "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress."

 

"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.

 

"No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise

 

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Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.

 

The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."

 

She says "I'll take the red one."

 

The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."

 

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An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding.

 

The paramedics soon arrive on site.

 

Medic: It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions.

 

Girl: OK

 

Medic: What's your name?

 

Girl: Sharon

 

Medic: OK Sharon, is this your car?

 

Medic: Where are you bleeding from?

 

Sharon: Romford, mate?

 

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An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang.

 

It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!

 

"It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds of them!"

 

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An Essex girl calls her boyfriend and says, please come over here and help me, I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started.

 

Her boyfriend asks, What is it supposed to be when it's finished?

 

The girl says, According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger.

 

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

 

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzles spread all over the table.

 

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, turns to her and says, First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces

into anything resembling a tiger. Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then put all these Frosties back in the box.

 

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Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere.

 

The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor.

 

Medic: OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.

 

Sharon: Ok

 

Medic: Ok, how many fingers am I putting up

 

Sharon: Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down

 

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An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex girl notices something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing.

 

She says, "Scuse me mate, I aint being funny or nuffink, but why duz one of your wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it"

 

The Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and replies, "Well oim a little bit tick you see. The one with the R on it is for me roight foot and the one with the L is for me left foot"

 

"Cor blimey, exclaims the Essex girl, "So THATS why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them.