peter kay lines

[jon_m]

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,

'Thyroid

> > problem?'

> >

> > When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I

> > realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and

asked

>him

> > to forgive me.

> >

> > Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale

and

> > sold the engine?

> >

> > I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to

go

> > swimming.

> >

> > I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't

get on

> > with my real ladder.

> >

> > I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I

ordered

> > French Toast during the Renaissance.

> >

> > A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass.

>Motorists

> > are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

> >

> > Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names.

But

>one

> > day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break

my

> > bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on

it was

> > sticks and stones all the way.

> >

> > My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably

why

>he

> > got thrown out of the the fire brigade.

> >

> > Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better

have a

> > good hand.

> >

> > I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour

said

> > 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough."

> >

> > If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of

>meat?

> >

> > I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and

give

> > the wrong answers.

> >

> > You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

> >

> > Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from

things

> > they don't understand, such as working for a living.

> >

> > I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

> >

> > Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think

I've

> > forgotten this before.

> >

> > I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

 

[BenRW]

peter kay lines

 

oh i thought this topic was some code for some sort of drug u do in lines

 

*grabs coat*

 

TAXI!

[djiceman]

benrostwood said:

peter kay lines

 

oh i thought this topic was some code for some sort of drug u do in lines

 

*grabs coat*

 

TAXI!

 

 

[Cherry]

Excellent jon!

[alasdairm]

some of these are very funny but steven wright must be fed up with people nicking his material and calling it their own

 

alasdair

[jon_m]

alasdairm said:

some of these are very funny but steven wright must be fed up with people nicking his material and calling it their own

 

alasdair

whos stephen wright? do u know peter kay?

[Crill]

Was wondering the same thing

[alasdairm]

steven wright is a deadpan canadian comedian who, ages ago, wrote a bunch of those lines which you posted. he's one of my favourite comedians and i hear his stuff recycled by other comedians and passed off as their own quite often.

 

some of those are also from jack dee as well - not sure if he's still around in the uk?

 

here's a steven wright website: http://www.stevenwright.com/index.shtml

 

if you are talking about the 'phoenix nights' guy, i know who peter kay is.

 

alasdair

[FredTheBaddie]

Also, I've seen Emo Phillips do the 'Guess' line on TV. And that was years before Peter Kay became famous.

[jon_m]

maybe these werent even peter kay lines at all then i goit by email under that title but people could have sent em thinkin they were peter kay 'style' jokes? he may have never told them in his life!

[alasdairm]

^ indeed. i just think it's right for people to get credit appropriately. especially a comedian like steven wright who's given us a huge amount of brilliant, original humour.

 

alasdair

[jon_m]

Peter Kays a legend too!! funny as [censored]!! check out his live at the top of the tower video/dvd/free to download?

top stuff!!

[alasdairm]

cool. i'll see if i can track it down

 

alasdair

[jon_m]

think ul find it on www.imesh.com so iv just been told anyway

[Phil rr]

jon_m said:

> > When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I

> > realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and

asked

>him

> > to forgive me.

.