Disorder in Court

[Bushy]

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are

things

people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now

published

by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these

exchanges were actually taking place. Some of these are excellent -

don't

miss the last one.

> > >

> > > Q: Are you sexually active?

> > > A: No, I just lie there.

> > >

> > > Q: What is your date of birth?

> > > A: July fifteenth.

> > > Q: What year?

> > > A: Every year.

> > >

> > > Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

> > > A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

> > >

> > > Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at

all?

> > > A: Yes.

> > > Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

> > > A: I forget.

> > > Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something

that

you've forgotten?

> > >

> > > Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

> > > A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

> > > Q: How long has he lived with you?

> > > A: Forty-five years.

> > >

> > > Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you

when he

woke up

> > > that morning?

> > > A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

> > > Q: And why did that upset you?

> > > A: My name is Susan.

> > >

> > > Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved

in

voodoo or

> > > the occult?

> > > A: We both do.

> > > Q: Voodoo?

> > > A: We do.

> > > Q: You do?

> > > A: Yes, voodoo.

> > >

> > > Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in

his

sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

> > >

> > > Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

> > >

> > > Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

> > >

> > > Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August

8th?

> > > A: Yes.

> > > Q: And what were you doing at that time?

> > >

> > > Q: She had three children, right?

> > > A: Yes.

> > > Q: How many were boys?

> > > A; Three.

> > > Q: Were there any girls?

> > >

> > > Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

> > > A: By death.

> > > Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

> > >

> > > Q: Can you describe the individual?

> > > A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

> > > Q: Was this a male, or a female?

> > >

> > > Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a

deposition

> > > notice which I sent to your attorney?

> > > A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

> > >

> > > Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead

people?

> > > A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

> > >

> > > Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did

you

go to?

> > > A: Oral.

> > >

> > > Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

> > > A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

> > > Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time?

> > > A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was

doing

an autopsy.

> > > Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

> > > Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you

check

for a pulse?

> > > A: No.

> > > Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

> > > A: No.

> > > Q: Did you check for breathing?

> > > A: No.

> > > Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive

when

you began

> > > the autopsy?

> > > A: No.

> > > Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

> > > A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

> > > Q: But could the patient have still been alive,

nevertheless?

> > > A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and

practising

> > > law somewhere.

> >

 

 

 

[alasdairm]

pretty funny.

 

i find when these lists come rouind with hilarious things people "actually said" what they mean is things people "didn't actually say"

 

 

alasdair

[JoeDrawb]

seen it before - but some class lines there !