Jokes

[Wonky]

Warning, some of these are pretty sick!

And they are not my beliefs

 

> >

> >

> > Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?

> > A: Not being retarded

> >

> > Q: What's blue and f*cks old people?

> > A: Hypothermia

> >

> > Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the

> > battered wives' shelter?

> > A: The dishes if she knows what's good for her

> > >

> > Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time

> > A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

> > >

> > Q: What is the definition of "making love"?

> > A: Something a woman does while a guy is f*cking her.

> > >

> > Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?

> > A: They don't f*cking listen.

> > >

> > Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?

> > A: G*n*rrhoea

> > >

> > Q: Why did God create yeast infections?

> > A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating

> > c*nt

> > once in a while too.

> > >

> > Q: How can you tell a macho woman?

> > A. She rolls her own tamp*ns.

> > >

> > Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?

> > A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.

> > >

> > Q. What's the difference between acne and Michael Jackson?

> > A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13

> > years old.

> > >

> > Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

> > A. Marry it.

> > >

> > Q. What do you get when you cross two black people?

> > A. Your ass kicked.

> > >

> > Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

> > A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

> > >

> > Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?

> > A. Because women don't get bl*w j*bs while they're driving.

> > >

> > Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise & s*men?

> > A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty

> > miles

> > an hour.

> > >

> > Q. Why do women call it PMT?

> > A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

> > >

> > Q. What's a mixed feeling?

> > A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new

> > car.

> > >

> > Q. What's the height of conceit?

> > A. Having an org*sm and calling out your own name.

> > >

> > Q. What's the definition of macho?

> > A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

> > >

> > Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?

> > A. The cake jumps out of the girl.

> > >

> > Q. What's the difference between oral s*x & an*l s*x?

> > A. Oral s*x makes your day, an*l s*x makes your hole weak.

> > >

> > Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian bl*wj*b?

> > A. You know she'll swallow.

> > >

> > Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and s*x education on the

> > same day in Iraq?

> > A. They don't want to wear out the camel.

> > >

> > Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

> > A. A Catholic wife has real org*sms and fake jewelery.

> > >

> > Q. What's thedifference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

> > A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

> > >

> > Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is

> > bedtime?

> > A. When the big hand touches the little hand...

> > >

> > Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the

> > house?

> > A. Look inside your pants; if you have a pen*s, it's not time.

> > >

> > Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe s*x?

> > A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.

> > >

> > Q. Why is divorce so expensive?

> > A. Because it's worth it.

[Jofish]

Absoloutly fookin brilliant some clasics in there mate keep em coming.

Respec

 

[Tranquility]

Nice....

[Wonky]

im bumping these cos theyre funny as [censored]

[Mr_Happy]

[jon_m]

some classics in there!

[Claire DC]

> > Q. What's the height of conceit?

> > A. Having an org*sm and calling out your own name.

> > >

 

Moo

 

I know the site these came off, will find it

[Belle]

haha!!

 

I feel bad for laughing at some tho'!

[B Racer]

Never been in stitches this much in ages!!!!