The Night Before Christmas

[Crill]

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the flat

 

The techno was blaring, 'twas too loud to chat

 

The rizlas were perched on the table with care

 

And smoke full of chemicals soon filled the air

 

we'd just been out clubbing, I truly was trashed

 

My friends were all here and equally mashed

 

We'd popped a few pills and we'd had a quick sniff

 

And just settled down to a nice tasty spliff

 

When out on the balcony rose such a clatter

 

We looked slowly up to see what was the matter

 

I got to my feet and I swayed to the door

 

And only occasionally fell on the floor

 

I peered through the glass as I took a long puff

 

The land glistened softly with rubbish and stuff

 

When what to my wandering eyes should appear

 

But a fat man in red and a team of reindeer

 

He yelled and he ranted, gave each one a kick

 

I knew in a second it must be Saint Nick

 

He shrieked at each Reindeer and cursed them alike

 

"[censored] you!" yelled Rudolph "we're going on strike!"

 

The reindeer did turn and soar into the sky

 

And Santa growled something that wasn't goodbye

 

I watched as they went in a puff of pink smoke

 

And vowed from now on to stay off of the coke

 

As debris did settle St Nick turned around

 

He swore as he angrily kicked at the ground

 

He gave me a gesture that clearly implied

 

He'd be very pleased if I let him inside

 

I threw the doors open and ushered him in

 

Invited him through with a welcoming grin

 

"So where are our presents?" my smashed flatmate cried

 

With a look of astonishment, Santa replied;

 

"You seriously think you might be on my list?

 

You've got to be kidding, you're taking the p.iss!

 

Have you lot considered your actions this year?

 

Stop being stupid and get me a beer."

 

He opened a carling, but still looked depressed

 

We asked him to tell us what made him so stressed

 

"My reindeer have left me" he said with a sigh

 

"Unless I have reindeer I've no way to fly!"

 

"Now look here" I told him "we may not know much

 

We don't help old ladies, kiss babies and such,

 

But Santa, there's no need for you to despair

 

We know how to get you back up in the air!"

 

I chopped up a line with precision and skill

 

And rolled him up neatly a 20 bill

 

His face lit up quickly with real Christmas cheer

 

"Perhaps you kids WILL get some presents this year!"

 

He spoke not a word but got straight to his mission

 

He snorted that line with wholehearted ambition

 

Then Santa skinned up and he smiled as he puffed

 

We knew that our stockings this year would be stuffed

 

He sprang to the balcony, leapt from the railing

 

Soared to the sky with his present-sack trailing

 

I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight,

 

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

[Scream]

that's fuckin brilliant mate!

[JoeDrawb]

class