Parents fighting

[BenRW]

My parents have been divorced for bout 9/10 years now and they are still arguing over the money. 2 years ago it supposedly was all sorted out in court but now there is a new hearing coming up and my dad tells me that whoever loses out of the two of them will be wiped out and probably have to sell up and move to cheaper accomodation in order to pay for legal fees. I've gone beyond caring about their fights over money but now am worried about one of them having to move (a little strange i know but i h8 change). My dad has an amazing flat in london i wud h8 to c the back of and my mum lives in the house i have lived in all my life bar the first 6-12 months of y life so therefore have many memories and i wud h8 to see it go as it prob wudnt be sold as a house but instead land for developers to build on.

 

Both me and my sister wish they wud just settle their differences but they both believe that they are correct, have very strong beliefs about it all and so are unlikely to back down.

 

For one it is fcking up both me and my sister and the pain i see them going thru is horrible. I was wondering if ne1 cud help me think of something to say to either of them to make it not get that far (altho i fear its already too l8)

[Maria]

Parent fighting is [censored]. Especially when you, are in the middle sitting on the fence watching it all going on.

 

From experience mate (and my parents aint getting on, although not as bad as your situation), TALK TO THEM. Tell them EXACTLY what it is, they are doing to you. Tell them how it is interfeering (sp) with your day to day life, seeing the two people that are most important to you and your sister, arguing like children.

 

When my parents argued (before I moved to England, which was just over 2 months ago, and they were NOT the reason I moved, btw), after so long of being in the middle, hearing them bitch at each other over pointless [censored], I could only take so much of it. And that was it. I blew my top. I went absolutley ape [censored] with the pair of them. I ran down the stairs and cursed so bad at the pair of them (and I never swear, or speak in a way that I shouldn't in front of my DAD, but I did) and told them to start acting like adults and sorting things out like to adults should. Not like 2 kindergarten kids. I told them how their constant silent treatment / occasional pointless arguing effected me (in my head) and that I couldn't put up with it anymore (bearing in mind it was only me, mum and dad living in the house). They either sort their [censored] out in the correct manner, or I didn't want to be around them anymore and they will push me away.

 

It sunk in, and believe it or not, they have been getting on better ever sinse.

 

YOU matter more more to them than anything else in this world. If they can see what it's doing to you and how it is making you and your sister feel, (but you NEED to tell them) then im sure they will start behaving a bit more and using the correct attitude in sorting the fude out.

 

TALK TO THEM., Make sure you do. Coz there is only so much your head will be able to take.

 

Good luck.

 

Maria

[Guest]

Like Maria say's, try sitting them both down either together or individually & talk to them, let them know how it is making you & your sister feel & ask them to try to work things out amicabaly if poss.

 

It's a shame when parents split on bad terms, but to still be fighting after so long surely is not healthy...

 

Hope you get sorted & your parents ease down for you

[mistress_hoover]

ben ive went thru the same with my mum and dad...they split up when i was 15 and i havent seen my dad since (even tho he stays about 20mins drive from my mum) i still remember all the pain i used to go thru hearing them argue...

 

just make sure that your there for the both of them and as maria said sit down and have a good chat with them and tell them how worried you are about them...

 

if you ever need a chat just pm me xxxx xxxx

[Claire DC]

Well we spoke briefly about this last night.. but i do think you should talk to them.. not read the other replies so sorry if i mirror any suggestions. Both ur mum and your dad care about and love you and your sister, this IS their first priority.. although they may have lost sight of that because of the bickering and arguing with legal wrangles, it doesnt mean to say it cant be gotten back tho. Speak to both of them seperately/together whatever.. tell them that you have something to say and they, as your parents need to hear and take in what you have to say. Explain how worried you are, explain how its getting you down and [censored] you up.. tell them that them hurting each other like they are isnt the solution to all their problems. You told me legal costs so far.. make a point of this and tell them what it could have bought, been put towards etc etc.. if one of them loses out it WILL affect you, no matter how theyre tryin to make it look good to themselves through rose tinted spectacles.. course it will affect you. It's affecting you now.. more emotionally etc rather than materialistically but this doesnt mean to say it's any better. Whatever is affecting you, i think you have a right to say something about.

 

It could take you talking to them to make them realise properly exactly what theyre doin to not just each other but their children, you and your sister. Im hoping by bring this to light that it will make them realise that their actions wont benefit anybody long term.. they may win and see the other person have to go thru an upheaval which may be satisfying to them, but do they realise the effect it will have on you and your sister?

 

Im lucky my parents were and are on good terms even tho circumstances could have made it so that it wasnt like that so i cant imagine what you're going through. You know where i am if u wana talk hun!!